“The Monolith”: A Tale

Disclaimer by the author:

A part of me wishes to apologize for the pervasive profanity contained in this story, but in the interest of artistic integrity, I cannot. It has always been my observation that teenagers—especially boys—have no brain-to-mouth filter whenever they think adults aren’t listening to them. Thus, this tale faithfully recreates—for better or for worse—the flippant, profane speech of adolescents who are still trying to figure themselves out and have yet to fully absorb social niceties.

The Monolith

A short story by Virginia Wallace

Chapter One

October 31, 2021

We brought something out with us that night.

It only sheltered us—welcomed and protected us—just long enough to dig its claws into our very souls. But when it was finally strong enough to ride out of Dodge—triumphantly borne aloft by our fevered consciousnesses—it drove us out, and itself with it. The house that remained behind would forevermore be nothing but an empty shell. The powers that animated the place no longer needed a physical dwelling, for we were now cursed to forever carry them upon a shared, internal litter that we could never put down.

Harry stopped reading and closed the hardback graphic novel, just as he had every Halloween for thirteen years now. The aging ‘leftover hippie’ was getting old, and now life seemed like less of a party and more like a dull, languid purgatory.

He stared across the moonlit lawn, eyeing the stone monument rising from the freshly-mown grass. The concrete monolith was only about four feet high, but it loomed large in the dark drama that had become his life. Even the two women standing behind him, holding their hands gently upon his sagging shoulders, were little comfort.

The powers that animated the place no longer needed a physical dwelling, for we were now cursed to forever carry them upon a shared, internal litter that we could never put down …

There wasn’t enough marijuana in the world to undo such a tragedy as this, or to make the pain go away.

***

March 12, 1999

Godammit, you two are some stinky motherfuckers!”

Moe smiled, blowing a cloud of cigar smoke. From the back seat, Rotchy took a long draw from his pipe.

“Why can’t y’all just smoke cigarettes like normal people?” moaned Shoe, sticking his head out the front passenger window.

“’CUZ THEY STINK!!!” laughed Moe and Rotchy, in perfect unison.

Shoe breathed in the balmy spring air as the battered Impala careened down the road, trying to ignore the tobacco-fouled interior of Moe’s jalopy.

The three boys were fast friends; they always did everything together. They drank whenever they could find someone willing to buy alcohol for underage consumers, and they watched horror films. They also played “Dungeons and Dragons,” and these three favorite activities of theirs often intermingled. They lived in their own little world, with its private jokes and shared quirks, and could often be found ‘crashing’ at one another’s houses. Shoe and Rotchy lived in rural North Carolina. Moe lived in urban Virginia; fleeing his terrible home life by escaping with his friends was the very essence of his ‘happy place.’

Keith ‘Moe’ Morse was a handsome boy of seventeen, with long hair and an impish smile. He got his nickname because he did construction work during his summers off school, and his co-workers had ignominiously dubbed him ‘Elmo’ after the littlest Sesame Street Muppet. Over time, his friends began shortening his moniker to ‘Moe.’ It was inevitable that the girls would love him for his striking good looks, and they did. Moe often loved them back, but only on his own quirky terms; he could only stand their affections for so long before he would feel like he was losing himself. Whenever that happened, he would dump the young lady in question, and bury himself back into role-playing, drinking, and horror films … all the things his bosom buddies loved to do. Moe was a brooding boy, artistic and introspective despite his flashy charm. He was an artist, and a fledgling writer; he dreamed of working in comic books one day.

Ric ‘Shoe’ Beck was the classic, burly ‘best friend.’ Well over six feet tall and three hundred pounds, he was built like a classic Teutonic ox. Easygoing and reliable, he was the perfect balance to Moe’s tempestuousness and Rotchy’s eccentricity. He was good at working on cars; he was also adept at playing both the guitar and PlayStation.

He didn’t smoke, although hanging out with his best friends often made him wonder if he shouldn’t just take up the habit and be done with it. Moe had nicknamed him ‘Shoebox’ for his odd habit of rolling around with a stack of old Playboy magazines in the backseat, stashed in a shoebox. Not, of course, that Moe was above flipping through the Playboys. But he did enjoy teasing his friend about it, and the nickname stuck. Eventually, ‘Shoebox’ evolved into simply ‘Shoe.’

Rochester ‘Rotchy’ Alvin was the polar opposite of Shoe. Scrawny, with wild frizzy hair, he looked like an emaciated ‘nutty professor.’ He was legally blind, so his eyes looked nearly as big as his head through his thick glasses. Of the three boys, his IQ was the closest to genius-level …

His social awkwardness, however, did somewhat offset his intellect.

Where Rotchy truly shined was his genius at storytelling. Whenever he stood at the head of the gaming table—waving his arms over the ‘Dungeon Master screen’ as he told his ghoulish tales—hearts began to pound and pulses began to race. When the players reached for their dice, they did so with the knowledge that ‘Dungeon Master Rotchy’ might have some terrible fate planned for their hapless characters. But that never stopped them from coming along for the ride. There was just something about Rotchy’s fantasy tales that was far beyond bewitching.

“So where is this place again?” asked Moe, blowing a final cloud of smoke as he threw his cigar butt out the window.

“We gotta turn down Nosay Road,” said Rotchy, knocking his pipe ashes into the ashtray on the armrest. “It’s on Old Swamp Road, right on one of the corners.”

“Is this the place Royce was talking about?” said Shoe.

“It is,” said Rotchy. “He’s probably full of shit, but maybe it’s worth checking out anyway.”

In addition to being gamers, horror aficionados, and occasional carousers, the three boys were also avid explorers. At least, that was how they described themselves; anyone else would have said ‘habitual trespassers.’

“Did you remember flashlights?” Rotchy asked Moe.

“I only had two,” he replied. “So someone has to use the decrepto-light.”

Rotchy was about to say something when Moe and Shoe both shouted, ‘NOT IT!’

“Dammit,” moaned Rotchy. “I always get the decrepto-light!”

Sh!” ordered Moe, killing the headlights. “We’re almost there.”

The boys often drove with no headlights on, usually when they were up to no good. Moe slowed the car a little, letting his eyes adjust to the bright moonlight.

“Turn down the gravel road, and park on the shoulder,” said Rotchy. “There’s a front entrance, but it’s pretty overgrown, with a ditch on either side. We can scope it out from the inside and pull in there later.”

“Someone’s gonna notice a honkin’ big sedan on the side of the road!” objected Shoe. “This fuckin’ thing is white, even if it is half rusted!”

“Not to worry!” grinned Moe, pulling off onto the shoulder. “I bought a dark green car cover. It won’t make us invisible, but you’d drive right by unless you’re looking for us.”

“Right on,” said Shoe.

Moe covered his car promptly after the three boys piled out of it. He was right; one would have to be looking for it to notice it. He took a bag out of the trunk before stretching the canvas over it.

The boys were dressed entirely in black, which was their habit whenever they were somewhere they didn’t belong. Moe pulled two plastic flashlights out of the bag and handed one to Shoe. The third was an old-fashioned ‘torch’ style light, heavy and long, with a huge lens. It often flickered or didn’t work, hence the name ‘decrepto-light.’

“This thing weighs more than my left leg,” whined Rotchy, taking the flashlight.

“A night-light weighs more than your left leg!” laughed Moe. “C’mon, let’s get off the road.”

“There’s supposed to be a footbridge over the ditch, on this side,” said Rotchy.

The grass was tall, un-mown. The boys searched the side of the road, letting the moonlight guide them. All their flashlights had blue filters—cut from plastic legal binders—so their light would look more natural. Nevertheless, they knew better than to turn them on too close to the road.

“Here it is,” said Shoe at last, in a loud whisper.

Moe and Rotchy headed toward him, stepping carefully through the weeds. There was indeed a small footbridge over the drainage ditch, about six feet long. It was completely overgrown, but visible enough once one came close enough.

“You found it,” said Moe. “You first.”

Shoe stepped onto the bridge, and his friends behind him. But rather than simply crossing onto the overgrown, wooded property, all three boys found themselves standing on the bridge, examining the railing.

The hand rails were covered in concrete, expertly molded over the metal railing. Small, faux jewels were pressed into the stone by way of decoration, and there were words chiseled onto the left rail.

THE BRIDGE TO 1,000,000 WHYS, read the engraved letters. “Well, if that don’t set off your ‘weird shit-o-meter’ …” said Moe. “Wow.’

“Maybe Royce wasn’t full of shit after all,” said Rotchy. “There’s a kinda-sorta path from here. It looks like someone dug a trail through the property.”

The boys turned on their flashlights as they entered the property. The decrepto-light actually worked for once … for about ten feet. Rotchy smacked it in frustration. “Why the fuck do I always get this damn …?”

“Shut up,” interjected Moe.

“What do you mean, shut up?!” demanded Rotchy.

“I mean, look at this.”

Stretching over the trail was a tall, wrought-iron arch. It looked like the entrance to some imposing mansion, grandiose and foreboding at the same time. But instead of having the name of a manor, the iron letters made an ominous statement.

DAMN THE CRIPPLES, it read.

“What in the blue-green fuck does that mean?” asked Rotchy, as the decrepto-light flickered back to life.

“What did ‘bridge to a million whys’ mean?” retorted Shoe.

The boys followed the trail around the property, stepping carefully. Toward the end of the trail—nearly to the road—the path was flanked by footlights, long ago broken and rusted out.

“What is that?” asked Rotchy, nearly walking into Shoe as he stopped.

“It’s a model of a ship,” said Moe, shining his flashlight on the metal monument.

It was about six feet long and artfully welded together. It sat in a circle of footlights, clearly meant to be a show piece. “I think it’s supposed to be the Titanic,” said Rotchy.

“I think you’re right,” said Shoe, shining his light on a narrow lectern nearby. “There’s broken glass here, and I’m betting there was a picture under it once. You know, like those pictures at the zoo next to the animal cages.”

“There’s the main entrance,” said Moe. “It looks like we can pull in between those two big trees, and we’ll miss the ditch.”

“Does anyone notice anything weird?” asked Rotchy.

“What?” asked Moe and Shoe in unison.

“Where the hell is the house?”

It was soon determined that the trail ran around the perimeter of the property. The house was nestled deep in the trees, with only a small clearing around it. A breeze arose as the boys entered the clearing, unseasonably cool for a Southern spring. While it was often unreliable, the decrepto-light had the longest range, and Rotchy shone it upon the house.

The boys felt their hearts pounding as the hair stood up on the backs of their necks. They gazed for the first time upon the house that they once suspected was a myth. It rose toward the trees like a castle, eerie and still.

“What … the … fuck …!” breathed Moe.

The house was gaudy, almost laughably so if it hadn’t been so forbidding. There was ornate molding all along the roof and down the sides. Doors were mounted in the second-floor wall that clearly opened into absolutely nothing. Cabinet doors were mounted at random intervals, as though this were not a house but rather a storage closet. Some elements of the structure were wood, while others were concrete or masonry. The house looked as though it had been haphazardly slapped together by someone playing with leftover building materials.

“Well,” said Shoe bravely, “Let’s do the damn thing!”

Shoe stepped forward, holding his light aloft. It was an odd dynamic that the trio had. Usually Moe was the brash one, the bold one, the one who charged in first—but not always. Occasionally quiet, steadfast Shoe would unexpectedly take the lead.

Rotchy, on the other hand, often got stuffed into claustrophobically tight spots in which his friends were too burly to fit. Holes in crawl spaces, narrow gaps through collapsed walls … Once they even lowered him into an abandoned septic tank. “Such is life,” he’d always sigh, and then he would melodramatically paraphrase the line from the classic television show “TinyToons”: “Rotchy go down the hole.”

The house grew stranger and stranger as the boys approached. There was a well of some kind on one side of the house, surrounded by a waist-high stone wall. There was also an exterior, wrought-iron, spiral staircase heading up to the flat roof.

“Wanna see what’s up there?” asked Moe, following Shoe.

“Fuck that,” replied Rotchy bluntly. “I see moonlight through the broken windows, which means the roof is caving in. That staircase will be next.”

Discretion being the better part of valor, the three adventurers agreed that the staircase was best left alone. They did wonder, however, why it led up to the roof when there was obviously nothing up there.

“This house is crazy, man!” breathed Shoe, shining his light on the walls.

Indeed it was. The concrete parts of the structure were all much the same: decorated with faux jewels and engravings. The writings seemed to be an odd mix of apocalyptic Biblical passages and esoteric symbols.

This symbol’s everywhere,” said Moe, as the three examined the outer walls. “Look, it’s a five-pointed star, with the letter R engraved twice—one forward, and one backward, facing each other. Isn’t that a Masonic symbol?”

“And the All-Seeing Eye, the Pentagon, and the Eye of Horace,” confirmed Rotchy. “This dude was into the occult, big time.”

It took a while for the three to enter through the open door. The rooms inside were decayed and rotting, and none of them dared to tread the staircase to the partially collapsed second floor. The kitchen was full of handmade cabinets, all warped and rotting. The main living room had a crumbling fireplace, and rotten wooden bookshelves all around. The shelves had glass doors on them, but the glass had long since been broken.

“Do you notice,” asked Rotchy, tapping the decrepto-light to keep it from flickering, “that the frames over the bookshelf don’t open? They’re not doors, like a cabinet. It’s like whatever went into those shelves was for display and never meant to be taken out.”

“Weird, man!” said Moe. Shoe promptly echoed the sentiment.

The three wandered outside again, scanning the yard with their lights. There was a small, concrete monolith in the middle, about four feet tall.

“Looks like the Washington Monument,” said Rotchy. “Like an Egyptian obelisk, you know? Also a Masonic icon, a tribute to their ‘great architect of the universe.’”

“It’s engraved on all four sides,” said Shoe.

“Yep,” said Rotchy. “Look at this side. This is some weird shit, man! It’s a Bible story about Jesus. For he said unto him, Come out of the man, thou unclean spirit.And he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.And he besought him much that he would not send them away out of the country.Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding.And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them.And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand;) and were choked in the sea.”

“We should take it,” said Moe firmly.

That, as it turned out, was easier said than done. The engraved, bejeweled monument was poured deep into the ground, with metal re-bar keeping it solidly anchored. “We ain’t gettin’ this out,” said Moe in frustration. “We’re gonna have to come back with like, ten swamp donkeys and a bunch of shovels.”

“Will you quit calling North Carolineans ‘swamp donkeys,’ ya fuckin’ Virginian?” demanded Rotchy, sounding half playful.

“You know I say that will all due affection!” replied Moe, giving his friend a wink. “But you get my point. I mean, fuck this!”

As Moe was venting his frustration, Shoe was walking slowly toward the house. When he reached its wall, he turned with a strange expression on his face.

Moe felt rather than heard Shoe’s thunderous footsteps as he ran toward the obelisk. He violently tackled clueless Rotchy, who was still examining the scripture verses engraved on the monument. Both hit the ground with a thud as Shoe drop-kicked the obelisk over their heads.

“FUCK!!!” shouted Rotchy. “WARN a guy before you do that, k?”

“Well, excuse me for not letting Attila the Hun here kick your fuckin’ head right off!” retorted Moe, rising and offering Rotchy his hand.

Shoe had fallen heavily on his padded rear end, and he rose with a rueful expression on his pasty face. “Sorry,” he murmured sheepishly.

The monument was lying on its side, completely unearthed.

“Damn!” whistled Moe. “We gotta add that one to our D&D game: ‘plus ten monolith kick,’ you know?”

“Yeah,” said Rotchy glumly. “Now we gotta get that stupid thing outta here!”

The rest of the evening was filled with grunting, cursing, and complaining as the three intrepid explorers dragged their new treasure toward the Impala. It took several attempts to lift it into the trunk, and when they finally managed, the rear end of the car sagged alarmingly low.

As the Impala slowly rolled away, the moon dropped a little in the sky. A shaft of light shone through the trees, illuminating one of the engravings on the wall of the old house.

The Biblical book of Isaiah—in chapter forty-three and verse ten—says the following: You are my witness, declares the Lord, and my servant whom I have chosen.

The engraving lit by the eerie shaft of moonlight said something similar. Maybe the wording was meant to be a paraphrase, or maybe it was meant to be blasphemy. In either case, what it said would give any religious person pause: One of you is my witness, declares the Architect, it read, and my servant whom I will choose.

“Do y’all think it’s too late to hit up Stinky Dave for some booze?” asked Moe, keeping an eye on the road as he lit a cigar.

“No,” said Shoe. “It’s too late to take him to the liquor store, but he’ll have plenty on hand. If he bathed as often as he drinks, he’d smell like roses.”

“Good,” said Moe with satisfaction. “I could do with some Fighting Cock after that workout.”

“Why the hell do we drink that swill? I’m surprised that shithouse vodka is even legal!” moaned Shoe, sticking his head out the window again. “It’s engine degreaser, man. Seriously.”

“Because Stinky Dave always has plenty,” grinned Moe. “And he’s happy to sell it to us cheap!”

Rotchy voiced his agreement as the Impala rolled merrily down the road.

And the old house basked in the moonlight, silent, and still …

Chapter Two

October 31, 2021

“What am I meant to see?” asked Penny. “And what’s that smell?”

“Just wait,” said Roberta. “Sometimes they come right at nightfall, and sometimes it’s almost dawn. But they always come on Halloween; it was their favorite holiday.”

“I wouldn’t know,” said Penny. “Keith and I had just moved back from L.A. when they … well, you know. I only met Ric and Rochester once.”

“Moe usually stayed here when he visited, which was often,” said Roberta. “Or if he didn’t, he was hovering around. Harry and I kept an eye out for him.”

Penny was Moe’s widow, an attractive brunette fast approaching her forties. Roberta was Rotchy’s mother. And it was difficult to believe that Harry had sired the burly Shoe, so small was he in stature.

What all three had in common was their grief.

This was Penny’s first Halloween here at Roberta’s house. Roberta and Harry had been doing this vigil since the beginning, but they had long hesitated to let Penny in on the secret; it was finally Roberta, conscience-stricken, who had finally spilled the beans.

“I almost want to set a six-pack out there for them,” said Harry mournfully.

“Between Moe and Shoe, you better make that a case,” said Roberta. “Maybe two.”

“Why don’t you?” asked Penny.

“You can’t go out there,” said Harry. “You just can’t, not on … this night. When it happens, you’ll know why. You’ll just feel it.”

Why can’t we go out there?” demanded Penny.

“My wife, Betsy—Ric’s mother—ran out there, years ago,” said Harry dully, holding his head in his hands. “She couldn’t bear to let our boy slip away.”

“What happened?” asked Penny, her tone softening.

“She isn’t … with us any more.”

Penny wiped away a tear and laid a consoling hand on Harry’s shoulder. “So we wait, then?” she whispered in a conciliatory tone.

Harry and Roberta answered in unison: “Yes.”

***

November 6, 1999

“Three Whoppers,” said Moe to the Burger King drive-through speaker. “All with extra mayo, and one with no onions.”

The classic hamburgers costing a mere dollar made the trio regular visitors. Late-teen boys are often ‘flat broke,’ and Moe, Shoe, and Rotchy were no exception. “Cover that paintball gun!” hissed Moe as he pulled up to the window. “You wanna get the cops called on us?”

Rotchy threw his jacket over the long, black rifle as Moe paid for their order, and took the food. He passed out the burgers before pulling onto Ehringhaus Road.

“This one has onions,” said Shoe. “Who’s got mine?”

“Me,” said Rotchy. “Here.”

“It’s the weirdest thing,” said Moe as his friends traded hamburgers. He sounded a bit muffled due to his face being stuffed full of Whopper. “I spent all afternoon down at the courthouse, and I couldn’t find a damn thing on the Dream House. No property deed, no records, nothing. It’s like it legally doesn’t exist.”

“Maybe it got tacked on to one of the properties next door?”

“Newp. I checked those records, too. I’m telling you, this place is a complete blank.”

“I tried an AOL search in the computer lab,” said Rotchy. “That came up blank, too.”

Moe pulled onto the road known as ‘the causeway,’ which led out of Elizabeth City and into rural Camden County. “I just don’t see how a motherfucker could build a place like that, and keep it off the radar,” he complained.

“Maybe it’s been abandoned too long,” said Shoe.

“I doubt it,” said Rotchy. “Remember that one monument, by the mausoleum? The one that says, ‘BENEATH LIES IN PEACEFUL SLUMBER—A SNAKE—A POSSUM’? The date on it was nineteen sixty-two, and that’s the latest date inscribed anywhere. So, if I’m right, it hasn’t been abandoned nearly so long as some other old houses we know.”

The conversation went quiet the rest of the way to the spooky relic that the boys had dubbed ‘the Dream House.’ They’d lost count of how many times they’d visited the crumbling ruin; its bizarre mystique held them in absolute thrall.

Moe killed the headlights a mile or so from the house, and turned into the overgrown, nearly invisible driveway. He looked over at Shoe, grinning in the moonlight.

“NOT IT!!!” they said in tandem.

“Goddammit!” moaned Rotchy.

It took only a few minutes to cover the Impala, and the boys sallied forth. Shoe was carrying the paintball gun, while Rotchy was stuck—yet again—with the unreliable, ancient, heavy decrepto-light. “I’m gonna buy, like, a whole box of flashlights next payday!” he fumed.

“Not with your comic book habit, you ain’t,” said Moe, turning toward the main house. “Let’s see if the owners fixed anything else up.”

“Yeah,” agreed Shoe.

The last few times the boys had ‘visited,’ it was obvious that someone was making cosmetic improvements to the interior of the house. Painted doors and molding, freshly shellacked cabinets … it struck them as strange that someone would make superficial improvements to a building that had a collapsing roof and shattered windows.

Moe entered the building, and walked toward the kitchen as Shoe and Rotchy followed him.

“Someone’s been smoking in here!” he said, shining his light around the room.

Indeed someone had. There was a large bowl on the counter, overflowing with cigarette butts. They were also all over the floor, and stubbed out on the shelving. “These are fresh,” said Moe, frowning. “Every single one of them, like an army of people came in here and smoked through a couple cartons all at once.”

“Why doesn’t it smell like smoke in here?” asked Rotchy. “Like, at all? And it looks like someone was cooking, too.”

Rotchy picked an empty hot-dog package off the counter, next to the large bowl of butts. It was obviously a cheap brand, and simply said Eight Frankfurters on the label. “Franks n’ butts,” he said. “Dinner of champions.”

“You guys notice anything weird?” asked Shoe.

“Did they paint or stain anything new?” asked Moe, gazing around.

“No …”

All three boys went dead silent, stricken by a sudden, strange sort of fear. Not only was nothing new painted or stained, but the cabinets and trim that were once made new were now rotting, and peeling.

“What … the … fuck?” breathed Moe, backing toward the door. “I get that they might have been sanded clean, but this is plain old rot! How could …?”

He let the sentence trail off as he turned and left the kitchen. All three flashlights were now trained on the floor as the boys left the main house, as the decaying boards made for a treacherous exit. Reaching the outside, the boys began walking the ravine around the property. The moonlight was bright, so they clicked off their flashlights like they always did when there was enough light to see.

“Gimme a sec, guys,” said Moe. “I gotta lake a leak.”

He took only a minute to climb out of the ravine and water a nearby tree. He returned, looking further down the trail; Rotchy and Shoe were a little ahead of him. “Watch your step,” he called. “It’s a little muddy under the leaves.”

“Sure thing, man,” came Shoe’s reply …

From behind him.

Moe turned his head sharply, illuniating his compatriots with his flashlight. “Have you been standing there this whole time?” he demanded.

“We were waiting for you,” said Rotchy. “Stick together, remember?”

Moe turned his flashlight toward the place where the other two figures had been standing; there was no one there now. “We gotta go,” he said nervously. “There’s someone else here.”

Shoe immediately picked up Moe’s cue. “Good thing we have a GUN!” he called loudly, brandishing the weapon.

“Yeah, but it’s just a paintball gun,” objected Rotchy.

Moe and Shoe turned their flashlights on Rotchy, who immediately hung his head in embarrassment. “Goddammit, Rotch!” muttered Moe, shaking his head. “Seriously?”

They made their way carefully back toward the road. The Impala was parked barely inside the tree line, as the old driveway was rutted and muddy.

“Lights out!” hissed Moe, extinguishing his.

There was a car moving in their direction; its high-beams were clearly visible through the trees. The boys stood stock still, waiting for it to pass.

Except that it didn’t pass. It slowed down …

“FUCK!!!” moaned Moe in a loud whisper. “Hit the deck!”

The boys promptly disappeared into the bushes as the car came almost to a stop, and began to turn.

At that exact moment, a car coming from the opposite direction screeched to a halt, facing the first car on the side of the road. The boys breathed a collective sigh of relief as police lights flashed to life, illuminating the area. Both cars were within fifteen feet of their hiding places, so they kept perfectly still while the officer conducted his business. They couldn’t hear speaking over the hum of two car engines, so it was anyone’s guess as to whether the officer warned the driver away from the property or wrote him a ticket for something. But at last, the police cruiser pulled away.

“C’mon,” whispered Moe. “Get the fuck out of here …”

The car sat there for a good five minutes—making the boys more and more nervous with each passing second—but it finally pulled away. They exited their hiding places, and walked away from the road. “Do we bail now or wait?” asked Rotchy.

“We should probably wait,” said Moe. “Someone could be watching from one of those farmhouses across the road.”

“I thought you said someone else was here?” said Shoe.

“I was probably just jumpy,” said Moe, not really believing himself. “Didn’t even have my flashlight on, you know?”

“Why don’t we take a closer look at that woodwork?” suggested Rotchy. “Maybe we were a bit jumpy about that, too.”

Moe and Shoe agreed, and the boys began walking back toward the main house.

“You know what?” said Shoe. “That cop car looked old. Like, really old. Fifties, maybe? Did you notice the fly-rod radio antenna? That thing was a road ocean liner. Why would the cops still be using it?


Moe probably would have dismissed such a comment from Rotchy, but Shoe was a car nut. If he said the police cruiser was a nineteen-fifties model, then he was almost certainly right. “Did it have an antique plate?” he asked.

“Yes, and no.”

“What?”

“It didn’t have one of those plates that say ‘antique.’ But it didn’t have a normal North Carolina license plate, either. You know, the white ones that say ‘First in Flight.’”

“What did it look like?” asked Rotchy.

“It was yellow,” said Shoe, “and it said ‘drive safely’ across the top. You see those at old car shows sometimes; they’re from the sixties.”

“I thought you said the car was from the fifties?”

“Well, I’m sure it ain’t like the cops replace the cars every year!”

“Maybe it was a personal vehicle,” said Rotchy.

“With lights on top?” retorted Shoe. “Personal, my ass!”

“You know,” said Moe ruminatively, stopping at the front door and laying his hand on the door frame, “this place would make one hell of a setting for a spooky story!”

“That it would!” agreed Rotchy heartily, while Shoe nodded in agreement. “You should totally write that shit! I’d fall all over myself to …”

A deafening thunderclap exploded overhead.

“… to read it,” finished Rotchy nervously, looking up.

The wind rose with terrifying suddenness, howling through the trees like an army of banshees. Moe shined his flashlight toward the main door, wordlessly thinking that it might be better to ride out a sudden storm inside the Dream House rather than getting drenched trying to make it back to the car; a partially collapsed roof was better than no roof at all.

The wooden door had long ago been kicked in, and it was lying on the rotting floor. Suddenly—in the revelatory glow made by Moe’s flashlight—it flew across the room and slammed itself into the door frame with a loud bang.

Moe turned to face his friends, sidestepping along the wall away from the door. “Did you see that?” he demanded.

Before his friends could answer, a cacophony of banging sounds came from inside the house. Moe turned just in time to see what his companions did: rotten, graying boards flying around inside, each one rushing to slam itself over a window frame. Moe turned away as all three of their flashlights died at the exact same moment. They clicked the switches on and off, desperately—and unsuccessfully—trying to get them to re-light.

They were just about ready to run when the decrepto-light blazed to life, brighter than it ever had before—brighter than was natural for an old incandescent bulb.

Rotchy and Shoe froze, staring.

Moe was standing in the glow of the decrepto-light, looking pale and faint. His back was pressed against the concrete-covered wall, with all its cryptic, random engravings.

On his left side was the paraphrase of Isaiah’s writing: One of you is my witness, declares the Architect, it read, and my servant whom I will choose.

Both Rotchy and Shoe were inexplicably stricken by the sight, so much so that Rotchy read the writing on Moe’s right aloud: “Of making many books there is no end,” he whispered. “Ecclesiastes chapter twelve, verse twelve.”

At that, the light died.

Abandoning the flashlights, the boys charged recklessly toward the car. It began raining before they even made it halfway there, but they were so terrified that they completely ignored the brutal downpour.

The Impala’s cover was missing; its headlights were on, its engine was running, and all four doors were open. “FUCK THAT!” shouted Shoe, sliding to a halt. “I’M NOT GETTING IN THERE!”

“IT’S NOT THE CAR!” yelled Moe, throwing himself into the driver’s seat. “IT’S THIS PLACE! GET IN!”

Rotchy and Shoe hesitated for a moment, but they jumped inside anyway. As they did, all four doors slammed shut of their own accord. Moe reached for the shifter, only to watch it drop down to ‘reverse’ all by itself. He forced himself to go easy on the gas pedal as he backed toward the road, lest the tires ‘peel out’ and get stuck. But when his rear wheels were safely on the cracked, aging blacktop, Moe slammed the gear shifter into ‘drive.’

Then he pushed the pedal all the way to the floor, and held it there.

Chapter Three

October 31, 2021

Roberta, Penny, and Harry all squinted in the darkness as a cloud passed over the moon, trying to see the monolith through the blackness.

Being younger—and unaccustomed to this yearly ritual—Penny started getting goose bumps as a tiny flame suddenly appeared, dimly illuminating the engraved monument. She trembled as it moved through the air and began glowing more brightly.

She held her hands to her face, her eyes flooding with tears as the flame lit the tip of a cigar. And in the feeble glow of the match, she could see her husband. His hair was long, not short as it’d been when she’d met him, and he was clean-shaven. His stylish goatee was nowhere to be seen upon his calm, boyish face.

No!,” sobbed Penny, trying desperately to dam the flood of tears by wiping her eyes. “It can’t be! He’s .. he’s been gone to long. This isn’t happening! This isn’t REAL!”

“I’m afraid it is, honey,” said Roberta flatly.

Another match lit in the darkness, and the flame brightened as it appeared to flicker downwards. Penny trembled in terror as a puff of smoke drifted from the now-lit pipe, and its smoker slowly came into view: Rotchy.

“Dear god …” moaned Penny, as the cloud passed away from the moon.

Now she could see clearly. Moe, Shoe, and Rotchy were sitting around the monolith, looking quite comfortable on their lawn chairs. “Are they …?” whispered Penny.

“Don’t say it!” warned Harry. “Please, just don’t.”

“They look so young!” hiccupped Penny, still choking on her tears.

“I expect they’ll look that way forever,” said Roberta dully.

“What happened?” asked Penny.

“They became obsessed with a house built by … well, his name isn’t important,” said Harry. “The place was a house of dreams, known as ‘Old Spooky.’ They couldn’t have easily researched the place; the internet was new back then, and search engines weren’t all that smart. They just had to learn the truth for themselves. I wish they hadn’t, but they did.”

“I feel like I’m seeing something I shouldn’t be seeing,” said Penny tremulously. “I feel like I’m supposed to leave, to stay away from … them. The smell coming from the yard is pretty freaky, too.”

“You’re safe in here,” said Roberta reassuringly.

“I hope so,” Penny half-sobbed, wiping her eyes.

***

October 31, 2008

“It was a lot cheaper, cruising around back in the day,” observed Rotchy, basking in the sunlight from the backseat of Moe’s mint-condition, fully-restored, antique Impala. “What was gas then, like eighty cents a gallon?”

“Like that matters to my man, here!” laughed Shoe. “At least you quit smoking, Moe.”

I didn’t!” said Rotchy. “Do you mind?”

“Fire it up,” said Moe cheerily. “Let’s christen this ride, now!”

“Dammit …” moaned Shoe, rolling down his crank window. “Some things never change!”

In the years following their teens, the ‘boys’ had gone in separate directions, at least for a while. Rotchy moved to Illinois, where he lived still; it had been an impulse decision on his part to come visit. Shoe never left; he was an integral part of Camden County, and one would be hard pressed to imagine him anywhere else.

Moe, on the other hand, had just moved to Camden, preferring the swamps of North Carolina to his native asphalt jungle in Virginia. In the years prior, he’d spent most of his time living in Los Angeles, California.

How he came to be there was a strange tale, indeed.

Rotchy and Shoe had both—as would most people—put the strange affair of the Dream House completely out of their heads. They told themselves that they were just jumpy and had overactive, youthful imaginations. In time, their memories faded.

They never went back, though.

Moe, on the other hand, was tormented by the experience. It haunted his dreams and inflamed his imagination. The memory of that night was never far from his thoughts. The tension built and built until, at last, he could stand it no longer. So, he picked up his pen and began writing. Finding some catharsis in composing his story, he soon began drawing as well.

The result was a full-length graphic novel entitled I Have Not Forgotten, set partially at the mysterious, forbidding Dream House. He was half-hearted about his chances of getting it into print, but Moe nevertheless submitted it to an obscure publisher.

The results could not have been more explosive.

I Have Not Forgotten promptly sold nearly a million copies within two months, and netted its creator the coveted Eisner Award. It made the New York Times’ bestsellers’ list, and reviewers compared it to Neil Gaiman’s Sandman and Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns. Its cover tagline—My name is Legion, for we are many—appeared in every imaginable literary circle.

But it didn’t end there.

A movie studio bought the rights to the story and turned it into a major motion picture; Moe wrote the screenplay, and found himself writing screenplays for other studios before I Have Not Forgotten even came out of post-production. When it finally released, the film made a former unknown named Sadie Lee into an instant breakout star; she went on to win numerous awards for her performance—including an Oscar—as the film racked up an impressive array of accolades.

Not everyone was a big winner, though.

An aspiring young actress named Penny Lynde was working in a diner when the casting call went out for I Have Not Forgotten. She was soundly rejected by the studio: too short, they said, and no experience except for community theater. Besides, she was a brunette when they needed a redhead. But the affair wasn’t a total loss for her …

She married the screenwriter. Moe swore when he moved to Hollywood that he’d never date—let alone marry—an aspiring actress; he always joked that he’d marry an Asian mail-order bride first. But somehow, pretty Penny managed to fly under his defensive radar.

It had taken some work to convince her to move to the East Coast, but she finally agreed. So now the three friends were ‘at it’ again. A wife and two girlfriends had been artfully ditched for this occasion: the ‘breaking in’ of Moe’s newly-restored, mechanical piece of rolling nostalgia.

“I forgot how nice these old hoopties ride,” said Rotchy, blowing smoke. “And this one doesn’t drop parts on the road like your old one did.”

“It was only that one time!” laughed Moe.

“The muffler, or the drive shaft?” asked Shoe, waving away a cloud of smoke. “Don’t one part plus another part equal two parts?”

Moe responded with a friendly, profane epithet …

And then he frowned. “What’s up?” asked Shoe.

“Old Swamp Road is up ahead,” said Moe tersely.

“We should stop,” said Rotchy. “Seriously, I mean, the Dream House made you a boatload of money, didn’t it?”

“You wanna go back?!” yelped Moe.

“It’s broad daylight,” said Shoe. “We just scared ourselves silly, man! No big deal. C’mon, it’s Halloween! The Rocky Horror Picture Show doesn’t start ‘til midnight, and Norfolk’s only an hour away. We got time!”

“I dunno …”

Pussy!” laughed Shoe.

“Okay, okay!” said Moe. “You’re right, I’m being a pansy … and a moron. It’s probably completely collapsed. And if the other kids in the county are like us, they’ve already stolen all the stonework.”

The men went silent as they rolled toward their old haunt. A strange sense of trepidation overtook them, or perhaps budding nervousness …

But now that the challenging epithet of ‘pussy’ had been thrown out there, there was no turning back.

Chapter Four

Moe was disturbed by how easy it was to turn his prized car in between the two large trees; it was almost as if he’d just been here yesterday. Perhaps he had, at least in his mind. As he climbed out of the driver’s seat and closed the door, he suddenly realized why he’d turned into the hidden driveway so easily …

It wasn’t ‘hidden’ anymore.

The grass was mown, and the overgrown shrubs pruned. “What … the … fuck?” breathed Shoe, climbing out of the front passenger seat.

Rotchy climbed out of the back, his pipe clenched between his teeth. “Well, at least now I don’t need the decrepto-light!” he laughed, shaking the ashes into the grass and stomping them out. “And I don’t hafta worry about getting ticks! The place looks pretty manicured.”

“Did someone buy the place?” asked Moe.

“If they did, they had money,” said Shoe, pointing. “Those rusty, busted-ass footlights have all been replaced. Look! They even cleaned up the Titanic.”

The trio eyed the neatly-kept property in wonder. “Perhaps they added it to the historical register?” asked Moe. “But this place was falling in on itself! What is this?”

“The ravine around the property is still here; that must have been an original feature. We can still follow it,” said Shoe. “Let’s take a look at the house.”

“As the Architect’s servant,” said Moe drily, “the one whom he chose, that idea kinda makes me nervous.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” asked Rotchy, laying his pipe in the backseat and closing the car door.

“Nothing,” said Moe sheepishly. “Sure, let’s check the house.”

They began walking with strangely reluctant steps. Moe was tempted to turn tail and run when the house finally rose from the trees, looking just as strange as it always did …

And fully restored. Freshly painted, and inviting.

“The monolith is missing,” observed Shoe. “They recreated everything else. Or at least polished it up. The mausoleum, the stonework … look, y’all! The fountain is actually working. And hey, no wonder the spiral staircase went up the roof. There was a garden on it.”

Indeed there was. Tomato plants were sprouting cheerfully on the flat roof, easily accessible from the painted spiral staircase.

“Why,” demanded Moe, pointing, “is there a damn pigpen in the front yard?”

Indeed there was. Moe was pointing toward a fenced-in pen full of piglets, cheerfully rooting in the dirt. The men approached the pen with slow steps, and it was Rotchy who read the painted sign over the gate out loud. “Please enjoy our petting zoo,” he read. “Do not feed the piglets.”

There was an image of an owl next to the writing. “Why an owl?” asked Rotchy, turning around.

“Owls are a sacred symbol to occultists, to Freemasons,” said Moe grimly. “Trust me, I would know; they control Hollywood. That’s why all major films have at least one or two shots with an owl in them. In fact, Masons they control all mass entertainment; that’s why Led Zeppelin’s fourth album was named after a demon. This place was absolutely covered in Masonic, pseudo-Satanic imagery, remember?”

“It was also covered in Bible verses,” observed Shoe.

“That’s the part I can’t figure out,” said Moe. “In order to become a Mason, you have to disavow Christianity. You have to proclaim that ‘you were living in darkness, and now wish to be brought into the light.’ So, what was the dude who built this place thinking? C’mon, let’s check the main house.”

Moe reached the door first and was surprised to see a handwritten note below the knocker. We’re out at the moment, it read. But feel free to look around!

“This sounds like some “Twilight Zone” shit,” said Moe, opening the door. “I wonder if we came in through the ‘Bridge to a Million Whys’ and ‘Damn the Cripples’ side of the property, would this place still just be a decrepit old ruin?”

“Doesn’t look like it,” said Rotchy, following Moe inside and looking around the living room. “Why is there an empty fish tank above the fireplace?”

Indeed there was. There was a tank of water above the burning, cheery fire. “It’s a statement,” said Moe. “Hell and high water …”

“What the fuck?” demanded Shoe. “Where’d you get that idea?”

“I don’t know,” said Moe, looking away. “Look at all the books behind the glass, with no way to pull them out. It’s all the knowledge that the world has forgotten—the Library of Alexandria, re-created with tragic effect.”

“Will you QUIT being so melodramatic?” groused Rotchy. “Seriously, I’d actually rather hear you say ‘NOT IT’ right now! Let’s check the kitchen.”

Moe followed his friends into the kitchen, driven by a strange sense of destiny.

“Wow,” whistled Shoe. “They fixed this up nice, now! Look, they have books about the place on the counter.”

“It beats cigarette butts and a hot dog package,” said Rotchy.

“Franks n’ butts!” said Shoe cheerfully, plucking a volume from the countertop. “So, let’s see what happened here. This one is ‘The History of …’”

“Of what?” demanded Moe.

“Uh … the Butts house,” said Shoe. “That’s weird! C’mon, let’s go into the living room.”

Moe and Rotchy followed Shoe into the living room, where he promptly dropped his sizable rear end into an overstuffed chair. “So,” he said, opening the book, “let’s see what we have here …”

Moe and Rotchy watched in silent trepidation.

“Uh, guys?” said Shoe, looking up with a strange expression on his face.

“WHAT?” demanded Moe and Rotchy, obviously on edge although they couldn’t say why.

“This place was … well, it was actually built by a man named Frank Butts.”

Moe went ghost-white at that. “What?” he peeped.

“He also called it his ‘dream house.’ It was also known as ‘Old Spooky.’”

“We couldn’t … we couldn’t have known,” quavered Rotchy. “‘Franks n’ butts’? ‘The Dream House’? We had no idea! We … we couldn’t have!”

“Frank Butts was a brick mason, known for his apocalyptic predictions,” said Shoe, scanning the book. “His church expelled him. He spent decades adding onto this house. His family even had him committed to a mental institution for a while.”

“What else is in the book?” demanded Moe.

“It says that in twenty-sixteen, a novel was written about the place. It piggy-backed on the work of Keith Morse, the author and illustrator of the graphic novel I Have Not Forgotten.”

“IT’S TWO THOUSAND AND EIGHT!” screamed Moe and Rotchy, in tandem.

“Right. Um, k, let me check the copyright date of this book,” said Shoe nervously.

Moe and Rotchy stared daggers at him as he flipped through the pages. “Uh, fellas …?”

“SPEAK, godammit!” shouted Moe.

“The copyright date on this book is twenty twenty-six.”

“WHAT?!”

“Look, maybe it’s a fuck-up,” said Shoe desperately. “Let me flip back to where I was …”

“Hurry up!” ordered Moe grimly. Rotchy echoed the sentiment.

“Uh … wow …” said Shoe, settling on a page.

“WHAT?”

“It says here,” whispered Shoe, “that this place was torn down in two thousand, after an application to preserve it as a historical site was denied.”

“So, they re-created it,” said Rotchy, sounding more than a little frantic.

Moe turned away from his friends and looked out the window, gazing upon the petting zoo full of piglets. “Frank Butts was trying to save us,” he intoned, sounding nothing like himself; his voice was like a narrator’s from a movie preview, transcending reality.

“What do you mean?” asked Shoe.

“Something evil found this lonely place,” said Moe, still looking away. “Something ancient, something malignant. Something … hungry. Maybe Frank turned to Freemasonry seeking answers. Maybe he found his answers, or maybe he eventually decided that the Masons were full of horse shit. He also turned to the Word of God. Maybe he built this place because he was trying to contain something evil. Maybe he wasn’t trying to send a message out; he was trying to keep something in.”

“What was he trying to keep in?” whispered Rotchy.

“Who knows?” shrugged Moe. “We felt at … peace in this place, at least for a while. Something evil lived here. But so did something good; I think Frank was a decent man. So the Dream House mimicked our nature: made in the image of God, and yet prone to sin. Whatever evil lived here meant us harm, but Frank watched over us.”

“How do you know all this?” demanded Shoe, still holding the book.

“Maybe I read it on the internet,” said Moe, still sounding hollow. “Or maybe something touched me, something that we took out into the world after the house cast us out. Maybe that ‘something’ has been whispering to me ever since that night. Frank scared us with the phantasms I saw, the doppelgangers of you guys. He wanted us to leave. He also sent the car to pull in here, to catch us. But the Entity fought him; it sent the specter of the old police car to keep us on the property. Frank boarded up the house, but the Entity possessed the decrepto-light to show us what it wanted, what it needed in order to be set free. One of you is my witness, declares the Architect, and my servant whom I will choose. Of making many books there is no end.”

“Who the fuck is the ‘Entity’?” demanded Rotchy. “What did it want?”

“I don’t know who—or what— ‘the Entity’ is,” said Moe dully. “But I know what it needed to be set free. It needed for someone to write a new version of its story, a modern re-telling of its evil. And I … I did that.”

Shoe looked down, completely unable to process Moe’s grim words. Desperate for some distraction, he turned back a few pages in his book.

“Uh, guys …?” he moaned.

Moe and Rotchy moved swiftly to his side. “What?” they asked.

“It says,” said Shoe, “that three men disappeared here, in two thousand and eight. Only their car was found, and no one knows what became of them.”

“Are there names?” demanded Moe.

“Yes,” said Shoe, visibly trembling. “There’s also a picture.” He turned the book around, holding it open before his friends’ terrified eyes.

“It can’t be …” whispered Rotchy.

“You gotta be shittin’ me!” breathed Moe.

“This has to be a joke!” groaned Shoe.

The brightly-lit living room went silent for a moment; the only sound to be heard was the cheerful grunting of piglets outside …

“FUCK!”

Chapter Five

October 31, 2021

“I can’t see them!” fretted Penny, peering into the darkness. “And I can hardly breathe from the smell!”

“They always flicker in and out,” said Roberta soothingly, laying a hand on Penny’s slender shoulder. “It’s like they have trouble holding onto reality. The cloud will move away from the moon soon enough, honey.”

“She’s right, though,” said Harry dully. “The smell has never been this strong before.”

“I know.”

Finally the moonlight shone again. Shoe, Moe, and Rotchy were sitting companionably around the monolith once more. Moe was puffing away on a cigar while Rotchy smoked his pipe, and—as he always had—Shoe was waving away the smoke. They chatted soundlessly under the harvest moon, looking as natural as ever.

“That’s my HUSBAND out there!” screeched Penny, turning on her heel.

“GET her!” screamed Roberta as Penny ran for the door.

Harry jumped up and ran after her, slamming the door loudly in his haste.

Please, God, let him catch her before they do, begged Roberta internally.

There was only about thirty feet between Roberta’s house and the neighboring cornfield; the monolith sat in the middle of the yard. What Roberta saw was Penny running straight into the cornfield, with Harry in hot pursuit.

That was not, however, what Penny saw. She saw her husband and his friends so far away that they were nearly out of her sight, and she ran toward them with all the strength she could muster. Similarly, Harry saw only panicked, pretty Penny running frantically across a long, open field.

Roberta hung her head, fearing the worst as the moon went dark again.

When it rose once more, she saw six figures around the monolith. They were all sitting in lawn chairs, except for Penny …

Penny was sitting on her husband’s lap, her head lying affectionately upon his shoulder. Moe was no longer smoking his cigar, nor Rotchy his pipe; instead, they all looked on as Harry lit up a joint, took a ‘hit,’ and passed it to his son. He reached over to lay a loving hand his long-lost wife’s arm, and she squeezed his hand as she waited for the joint to come around to her.

Around and around the joint went, and Roberta could smell the dank marijuana even over the usual stench. She wasn’t aware of the exact moment in which the landscape changed; she only knew that it struck her senses rather suddenly.

Pigs.

The otherworldly visitors were surrounded by fat, ghost-like pigs. Gone now was the neatly-mown lawn; the pigs were all wallowing in wet, slimy mud. It occurred to Roberta that the last thirteen Halloweens had always smelled like a hog farm, although she could never quite place the odor before.

As she stared out the window, the pigs all turned to face her. They looked at her with glowing, demonic eyes …

And as they stared, an enormous owl crashed against the window, and fell into the muck.

Roberta jumped away from the window, too terrified to run. Suddenly there were no more pigs; instead, her yard was full of people. And what a motley assortment they were! Some looked normal enough, modern enough. But others? She thought she saw an ancient Rabbi standing next to a Roman soldier, and that was only the tip of the iceberg; it was as if all of human history had suddenly gathered in her yard.

Her resolve shattered at last, Roberta turned to run. She needed to leave this place, this house, and she needed to do so right NOW!!!

But something stopped her.

There was a man standing in her living room, a very old man, and he eyed her with a dull, weary gaze. He was holding a concrete trowel in his hand, like a readied weapon …

But he didn’t raise it. “WHO ARE YOU?” demanded Roberta.

The old man said nothing, and Roberta stood staring at him for what seemed like forever.

Suddenly she knew what lingered outside, what had taken over her yard. It went by many names, this entity—and Harry and Penny were only its most recent acquisitions, for it was many. It was ancient. It was malignant. And it was … hungry.

But it couldn’t hurt her; this, Roberta instinctively knew. She was beyond its reach, even if she didn’t understand why. “Thank you,” she whispered to the old man.

He smiled as the sunlight began shining through the window, holding his trowel to his forehead in salute. And then he was gone, as though he had never been; Roberta couldn’t even tell when he disappeared.

She walked slowly to the window, just in time to see the hogs fleeing the de facto cemetery that was her yard. Cast out of their stolen domain, the pigs rushed into the sea of corn, and drowned in the chaff of a thousand drying stalks.

Roberta took a seat, watching the sun rise. She would make this Halloween vigil again, just as she had for thirteen years …

But next year, she would do it alone.

The End

Afterword

Frank Butts (February 28, 1889—September 30,1973) was real. His ‘Dream House’ was also real and appeared almost exactly as described in this tale. ‘Old Spooky’ was torn down in December, of the year two thousand—but not before this author got the chance to thoroughly explore it.

I’m not the only explorer, mind you. I would like to thank Mr. A, Mr. M, and Mr. S for helping me clarify my recollections, and for providing additional details that I never knew or had forgotten. These men are hardcore horror fans, lovers of history, and—above all else—lovers of literature. Thank you, gentlemen, from the bottom of my heart. In gratitude for your kind assistance, I hereby dedicate this second printing of “The Monolith” to the three of you.

Stay Scared! – V

MEET DELIBERALIZE!!!

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to my humble lil’ blog!

Crazy V has an extra special treat for y’all today! We will chatting with Dean and Nathan of the crushingly heavy band DELIBERALIZE!

So, without any further ado …

So let’s start at the beginning. How did y’all get to together! I’ve been listening since ‘Unhallowed Halls,’ which was a while ago.

Dean: Nathan is my son and he grew up listening to death metal. I’ve been playing drums for about thirty-three years so I was hoping Nathan would take an interest in it when he got older. He did and quickly learned guitar, bass, and vocals.

Holy …! What I adore the most about Nathan is how clear his lyrics are even with his vocal chords turned all the way up. That’s talent! You don’t often see that in death metal, including my lifelong faves My Dying Bride and Carcass. The vocals may sound great but the lyrics are often muddy, you know? Kudos to him! Who writes the lyrics?

Dean: I write all the lyrics.

I quite like them. I’m listening to ‘Unseditious’ at the moment, which is fantastic. We’ll get back to the music in a minute, but we may as well come out of the gate with the obvious: It’s clear (given both the band name and the lyrics) that Deliberalize – much like old-school Black Sabbath and Megadeth – has a message. What would that be? And do please speak your mind; this ain’t the mainstream media here. I’m a musical journalist, not an ideologue or narrative peddler!

Dean: We believe there’s a deep moral and cultural decay happening in the world right now. Our music reflects our view that a lot of the decline is driven by corrupt leadership, ideological manipulation, and narratives that undermine truth, faith, and taking responsibility for your own actions. There’s been an erosion of traditional values. Somehow the rejection of truth has become normalized and there has been a cultural shift away from faith and biological reality, such as more than two genders existing. At the end of the day, our songs are not about hate. They’re about confrontation. Death metal has always been a genre that exposes what it sees as evil, corruption, and decay. We are just applying that same intensity to the modern political and cultural world as we see it today.

Death metal has ALWAYS flipped the establishment the bird! It’s funny, I did a deep dive into history for my new novel series. I held my nose and read both ‘Mein Kampf’ and ‘The Communist Manifesto.’ What leapt out at me is this: What they have in common is that they put God on a back burner and ask their adherents to follow the whims of capricious state leaders. I LOVE the cover of one of your albums: ‘It is when a people forget God, that tyrants will forge their chains!’ One will either serve a loving and just God or self-serving and corrupt men. I don’t think I see a third option and it kinda looks like you guys don’t either. Tell me, did this message evolve or was it planned going into your first album?

Dean: It was intentional from the beginning. We started Deliberalize with the goal of channeling our frustrations about what we saw as government corruption and cultural decline into something creative and aggressive. But at the same time, we didn’t want to be just another cliched death metal band writing purely shock-based horror themes about the exciting journey of a maggot eating a corpse. We wanted our music to reflect real world issues that matter to us rather than fictional gore narratives.

I LOVE it! Using music to express anger and discontent is civilized; it’s a form of dialogue. Chucking bricks at police and ICE agents is barbaric, and in my opinion doing such things is removing oneself from civilized society and becoming a savage. Dialogue is civilized. Chucking bricks is some shit that a caveman would do. Tell me, have you guys ever gotten any pushback against your music? (Note: I won’t be at all surprised if you say yes, since I write from a similar perspective to yours and I’ve taken some heat.) So, any pushback …? Trolling?

Nathan: I run the social media for Deliberalize. Surprisingly, no. We’ve only seen positive feedback on YouTube and Instagram. People saying they love the nineties feel of our music. Some have commented that they agree with and enjoy the conservative lyrics. No one has tried to ‘cancel’ us.

That’s good to hear! I think coming out of the gate with who and what you are heads trouble off at the pass. At a glance, people who love Bad Bunny and think Robert de Niro is a genius will look at your marketing and walk away rather than listening, getting pissed off, and leaving nasty comments. So, that having been established … back to he MUSIC!!! Dean, who were your drumming influences? Death metal drummers often sound like machine guns. I listen and I’m like, oof! That sounds like my better half emptying his AR-15 magazine as fast as he can! (He loves doing that, btw.) Your style is much more measured and nuanced. So which drummers did you listen to while you were learning?

Dean: When I first picked up drumsticks, it was Dave Lombardo and Lars Ulrich. Deicide’s Steve Asheim’s double bass and blast beats blew me away and opened my eyes to a whole new technical and speed-based style. Mike Smith of Suffocation and Gene Hoglan. But my biggest influence of all time is Sean Reinert of Cynic and Death. He was so good it was almost non-human.

I know Cynic and Death! Lars has slipped as of late, but it’s not his fault; he has admitted that his shoulders are completely shot. But when I saw the ‘Load’ and ‘Reload’ tours, he was rippin’ through his ‘wall o’ drums’ like nobody’s BUSINESS! Nice choices. So, Nathan, who were your vocal influences?

Nathan: Chuck Schuldiner is my biggest influence. His style was unique, no one else was doing vocals like that at the time. Others include early 90s Chris Barnes, Frank Mullen, and Mohammed Suicmez from Necrophagist, and Glen Benton.

NICE! You do a fine job, young man. So expressive and articulate! And, yes, Necrophagist I know as well! Sadly, gentlemen? I can’t do death metal vocals ‘cuz they hurt my throat; I can only admire, since I’m your usual choir-trained alto/soprano. And I never mastered the full-body fluidity required to artfully play the drums. Generally, I just count out the beats, turn in my chair like Micheal Keaton’s Batman in his stiff rubber mask, and I sound like I’m typing with drumsticks … which, I suppose, one would expect from a writer. But I DO know guitars and bass! Who plays those in Deliberalize?

Nathan: I write and record the majority of the guitar and bass. The solos are a combination of both of us as we trade off similar to the way of Death and Slayer. He does the structuring and we both record bass and guitar depending on the song.

LOVE IT! The precision of the rhythm guitar reminds me a lot of Dimebag Darrel (may he rest in peace.) Interestingly, the lead guitar fascinates me as well because it has Dimebag’s precision but delivered with an expressiveness that one would expect more from the likes of Steve Vai or Eric Johnson. So, Nathan – me being a tech geek here – let’s talk equipment! What’s your preferred gear? I’m an Ibanez guitar gal with an affinity for Fender amps. But it always interests me which instruments and amps players prefer because they choose them according to their playing style. So …?

Nathan: Ibanez guitar, strictly. I love the feeling of Ibanez guitars, I’ve played Fenders and Gibson, and Jackson, etc. But Ibanez guitars feel right. I play an Ibanez Xiphos, the most comfortable guitar I’ve ever played. For amps, I mostly enjoy the dual rectifier and the ENGL powerball and the Marshall JCM 800 are my favorite amps. For cabinets, ideally, I go for strictly ENGL because I like the way they sound. Maybe some Mesa/Boogie cabinets. I record vocals on a Shure Sm7b.

I love the feeling as well; the slender necks suit my small hands. K … done geeking out now! Dean and Nathan, I’d like to ask y’all final question before we go. I always end with this question, and honestly? I always get similar answers. But I think it’s an important question AND an important answer! Gentlemen, what advice would you give to a young/aspiring musician?

Dean and Nathan: Practice relentlessly, tighten your sound, and treat your music like it matters, because it does. Write what you feel and genuinely believe. Stand on it. Don’t back down from haters. Most importantly, don’t be afraid to tell the truth whether people agree with you or not. Conviction is powerful. Music has always been a voice for expression, so don’t be afraid to use it.

THANK you, gentlemen, for gracing my humble blog this evening! Your music is amazing and what makes it even more amazing is that you have a powerful, heartfelt message. Here’s looking forward to more from DELIBERALIZE!

Dean and Nathan: Thank you, V, for giving us this opportunity. We are working on a new album called Wrath of Euphrates that will be releasing sometime later this year. Your readers can find us on YouTube, Instagram, and Spotify.

EVEN COOLER, YOU CAN ALSO GET MERCH!

https://deliberalize.bandcamp.com/merch

Thanks again, gentlemen, and best of luck to you!



Welcome to Shea Ernshaw’s ‘Long Live the Pumpkin Queen’!

I was walking through a department store a couple weeks back, pushing my cart with the new blinds I’d just had cut for the bedroom. I was leaving the electronics section, where I’d just checked to see if there were any cool Nintendo games that I’d somehow missed.

Anyway, the book section is just outside of the electronics section. I don’t generally look at department-store bookshelves, since they’re always stocked with the same handful of cookie-cutter authors who should probably have stopped writing years ago.

But, that day, a single book caught my eye: Long Live the Pumpkin Queen, by Shea Ernshaw. https://www.amazon.com/Long-Live-Pumpkin-Queen-Nightmare/dp/1368069606/ref=sr_1_1?hvqmt=p&mcid=6bce978c039838dfbd3974fa2fc74375

Being a die-hard fan of ANYTHING connected to the classic film The Nightmare Before Christmas, I stopped and flipped through it. Honestly? I assumed that it was a gimmick, probably something that would only appeal to a kid. Besides, I haven’t the foggiest idea who Shea Ernshaw is; the cover says that she’s a ‘#1 New York Times bestselling author.’ But, then, so’s Tom Clancy and he’s terrible.

I was immediately stricken by the lush, dream-like quality of the writing:

Jack leans forward, eyes damp at the edges, and presses his grave-cold mouth to mine—and my seams feel like they’re going to fray and burst, like they can’t contain this swollen, chest-widening feeling rupturing through me. A feeling so strange and unknown and peculiar that it makes me dizzy. Makes my head swim, my legs teeter.

Jack and I are married.

He wipes away the tear streaming down my cotton cheekbone to my chin and looks at me like his own chest is about to fracture. And for a moment, I’m certain I’m certain they should bury us both here, at the center of the graveyard. Married, and died on the same day. Unable to contain the unspeakable, awful, wondrous emotion breaking against our eyelids.

The dreadful residents of Halloween Town applaud, tossing tiny dwarf spiders at our as we leave the cemetery, and the warmth in my chest feels like bats clamoring for a way out of my rib cage. Trying to break me apart.

I am now Sally Skellington.

The Pumpkin Queen.

And I’m certain I will never again be as happy as I am right now.

I closed my eyes for a second, hearing in my mind’s ear the soft moaning of wind through the dead trees as the fallen leaves rustled along the ground. I could hear the werewolf’s mournful howl in the distance, answered by the playful barking of Zero the ghost dog …

Well, that settled it! Into my cart went Long Live the Pumpkin Queen, right next to the blinds.

The book is just as well plotted as it is lushly written. The tension is almost unbearable as the Sandman—escaped from Dream Town—makes his inexorable way through the holiday lands, putting everyone into a deep, dreamless sleep. It falls to Jack Skellington’s new bride to keep the holidays from going forever extinct …

I’ll definitely be reading more by Shea Ernshaw, if for no other reason than her hypnotic use of prose. She’s amazingly talented, and I thoroughly enjoyed her tale—doubly so since it was set in a such a familiar, nostalgic setting. I particularly enjoyed the portrayal of Dr. Finkelstein, fleshing him out as a true icon of evil.

I found only one flaw in the book, which wouldn’t have bothered me except for one thing: By virtue of its subject matter, this book will inevitably appeal to young readers. For a time, a vampire brother fell in love with Mr. Hyde, and a witch sister with the mayor.

There is another, similar reference, which is two too many. Look, y’all, I’ve enjoyed—and even promoted—books that have sexual deviancy as a plot element. But I’m an adult! There is NEVER an excuse to put such references in a book for young readers!

Was that Ms. Ernshaw’s doing? Was she trying to be subtly ‘woke’? Or was it done at Disney’s bidding? After all, John Nolte—one of my favorite journalists—always refers to the company as ‘The Disney child grooming syndicate.’ Whosoever idea it was, inserting such elements into a book peddled to young people is inexcusable.

That having been said, it certainly didn’t ruin the book for me although I wouldn’t give it to a seven-year-old.

All in all, Long Live the Pumpkin Queen was a dream-like, gripping tale reminiscent of the likes of Ray Bradbury or Daphne du Maurier. Five stars!!!

DR. WERTHLESS: The Life and Legacy of Fredric Wertham, M.D.

I don’t usually review books from big names and/or publishers. I prefer to help out the struggling author, the unsung genius trying to find his or her feet in the world of publishing.

But, sometimes—just sometimes—a big-name book really grabs me, and I feel the need to share it.

Dr. Werthless by writer Harold Schechter and artist Eric Powell is just such a tome. https://www.amazon.com/Dr-Werthless-Studied-Murder-Industry/dp/1506744362/ref=sr_1_1?hvqmt=p&mcid=c9a3d9c8d6d73deda9dd804b89eb394d

Dr. Werthless is biographical, non-fiction graphic novel, rendered in a similar style to Schechter and Powell’s earlier Did You Hear What Eddie Gein Done? In fact, the infamous serial killer/grave robber Ed Gein appears in the narrative, as he was interviewed by the title character: the notorious psychiatrist Fredric Wertham.

Dr. Wertham is best known for Seduction of the Innocent, a book that I read as a teenager. It’s no exaggeration to say that Seduction of the Innocent severely crippled and nearly destroyed the booming comic-book industry; comics wouldn’t fully rebound until their second ‘Golden Age’ in the nineteen-nineties. How long did the comics industry flounder in the shadow of Wertham’s hatred for it, you ask…?

Seduction of the Innocent was first published in nineteen fifty-four. But, I’ll get more into that later.

Schechter and Powell do a fine job of telling Wertham’s life story, detailing both his incredible strengths and his deplorable flaws. While I knew—as does every student of comic-book history—about Fredric’s mad crusade against sequential art, there was also a lot about him that I didn’t know.

For starters, Wertham became renowned for his ability to at least interview—if not effectively treat—serial killers. He spoke to them as people, without judgment or fear, and got them talking in ways that other therapists could not. His work with the likes of Robert Irwin, Albert Fish, and Ed Gein shed a great deal of light on the mind of the serial killer.

While he was known for his affability and compassion with murderers, Fredric Wertham was nevertheless poison to his peers. Stubbornly opinionated and often neurotic, he was viewed as brilliant but unstable. Despite his shortcomings, Wertham took it upon himself to start a psychiatric clinic for underprivileged youth in Harlem. Since many of his clients proudly refused to be treated for free, Wertham began charging twenty-five cents per session, earning him the nickname ‘Dr. Quarter.’

The founding of such a clinic—particularly in the nineteen-forties—took iron will and force of personality. For this, Wertham deserves historical acclaim …

Unfortunately, it was his time at the free clinic that led to the manic obsession for which Fredric Wertham will be forever known: his unreasoning, blistering hatred of comic books.

The early fifties was known as the ‘Golden Age’ of comics. Detective Comics (DC) had its vaunted superhero universe. EC Publishing produced some of the finest horror and ‘true crime’ comics ever seen, many of which are reprinted to this day. (The incredibly popular “Tales from the Crypt” television show is based on the books by EC.) Dell Publishing had the rights to Disney characters such as Donald Duck and Uncle Scrooge, as well as many other ‘funny animals.’ Business was booming, and culture-defining tales were being spun on a daily basis.

It’s unclear as to exactly when Wertham’s obsession with comics began, but it appears that it came from his time running his free clinic. He began to link comic reading to anti-social behavior, using an almost laughable formula: Anti-social youths read comic books, therefore comic books cause anti-social behavior. It’s the same flawed reasoning that money-grubbing televangelists such as Jimmy Swaggart and Pat Robertson would later use in regards to heavy metal music, horror films, and role-playing games. (For more on this topic, check out this brilliant interview with my better half: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhxUdyfMdyE )

Wertham’s assertions would probably never have flown today because there was no control group! He never created an isolated group of test subjects to prove his ‘cause and effect’ theory; his ideas were purely anecdotal. Indeed, Wertham’s base assumption—that children are ‘blank states’ and all negative behavior comes from outside influences—was never an idea that he bothered to test. Wertham simply did not believe in the innate depravity of the human heart, and—rather than testing his skepticism—he went on a mad crusade attacking said ‘outside forces.’

Seduction of the Innocent was never extensively peer-reviewed. It was not influential because psychiatrists took it seriously; rather, it was influential because hysterical parents did. Instead of testing his ideas in a clinical setting, Wertham ‘tested’ them in the court of public opinion.

Facing massive pressure from parents, the comics industry soon found itself operating under an onerous censorship regime known as ‘The Comics Code Authority.’ Gone now were most horror comics, and the few that survived were pretty toothless, much like the PG-13 horror films of the nineties before the rise of After Dark Productions and A24 Studios.

Only Dell refused to bow to the CCA, but that was because Dell’s books were fairly tame anyway. Rather than submitting their books for code approval, Dell instead opted to insert its own ‘Pledge to Parents’ inside every cover.

It wasn’t until the eighties that the industry began to push back. DC Comics launched its iconic, adults-only line of comics with such titles as “The Swamp Thing,” “Hellblazer,” and Neil Gaiman’s “The Sandman.” The rules began to relax a little, allowing for darker characters such as Wolverine and the Punisher. Horror and dark fantasy comics slowly crept back with such titles as “Eerie” and “Heavy Metal,” skirting around the code by marketing themselves as ‘magazines’ rather than ‘comic books.’

It wouldn’t be until the nineties—with the founding of Image Comics—that Wertham’s fascist legacy finally got flipped one big, fat bird: Image refused to submit its books for code approval. Honestly, classic books like “Spawn” and the “The Maxx” wouldn’t have been approved anyway, but it was the raw, visceral nature of their storytelling that made them legendary.

Marvel Comics was the last publisher to drop the code in the early two thousands, rendering it officially extinct. Most books today will have some kind of label stating such things ‘Rated T for Teen’ or ‘for mature readers only.’ Books with explicit art usually come in plastic bags, which is common sense.

Still, a once-proud element of America’s unique cultural heritage wallowed in the darkness of censorship for four decades. How many epic tales were never told? Or, if they were told, got watered down so badly as to lose their effectiveness?

Schechter and Powell did a fantastic job of rendering Wertham’s story—both the good and the bad—into a riveting, beautifully-illustrated narrative. Their summary of Wertham’s life and work is spot on: If there is a tragic element to his life, it is that this limitation—his monkey-see-monkey-do view of human behavior—has so thoroughly overshadowed his many admirable traits. Fairly or not, in the world of comicdom, he will always remain …

Dr. Werthless.”

My Ode to Ozzy: A Literary Funeral for a Friend

How the ‘Osbourne Identity’ Was Unlocked

-In July 2010, a “phlebotomist”—whatever the fuck that is—took a sample of my blood and sent it to a lab in New Jersey.

-DNA was taken from my white blood cells, dissolved in salt solution, and then sent off to Cofactor Genomics in St. Louis, Missouri.

-At Cofactor, my DNA was “chopped up” into ten or twenty-five trillion pieces thanks to some heavy-duty shaking. After that, they spelled out all the chemical letters—in precise order—that make me the certifiable nutter I am.

-For the next sixteen days, Cofactor used a photocopier-sized machine—which cost more than three Ferraris, I’m told—to “read” my genome thirteen times over and put it on a hard drive.

-The hard drive with “me” on it was sent to Knome, Inc., in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

-Knome compared the six billion letters in my genome with every other genome on the planet—to find out why the fuck I’m still alive. Then they put all the findings on a little USB stick thing and presented it to me at home.

-While trying to understand what had just happened … my brain exploded.

– Ozzy Osbourne, on having his genome sequenced. (From Trust Me, I’m Doctor Ozzy)

John ‘Ozzy’ Osbourne is no longer with us. The lead singer of Black Sabbath and solo metal icon has, sadly, gone to the Great Mosh Pit in the Sky. I should have written this blog a while ago, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t put my thoughts together, or wrap my head around going forward in life without the musician who provided the soundtrack of my life.

A co-worker broke the news to me, and I immediately hung my head and wept. My favorite boy cousin and lifelong bestie Eric was similarly heartbroken. He went home, hid in his ‘man cave,’ got blasted (Ozzy-style, you know?), and watched Ozzy Osbourne: Live at the Budokan. Me? I hid in the den, wrapped myself in a blanket on the couch, and sniffled through Black Sabbath: The End ...

And, yes, there was ice cream involved.

It’s impossible to talk about Ozzy without talking about my early years, during which his music slowly evolved as a massive influence. The following narrative might feel a bit meandering to some, but it makes sense to me. In any case, to quote the Joker from Batman: The Dark Knight

Here … we … GO!!!

My mother was a religious psycho when I was a kid. No, I don’t mean a ‘Christian’ ; that’d be me. (A crappy one, mind you, but I try.) She was no ‘Christian,’ but she was a ‘religious psycho’ because it made her feel like she was better than everyone else. It also gave her an excuse to exercise brutal, ironclad control over her children’s every word and deed. In the end, it was all about superiority and control; religion was just the means to the end.

So, hard rock and heavy metal were off the table. My mother bought into the ‘Satan hatin’’ hysteria of the eighties, which was fueled by money-grubbing televangelists claiming to represent Jesus while they bowed at the altar of The Almighty Dollar. Jim Baker, Jimmy Swaggart, etc. … Those clowns have a court date in Hell, and, honestly? They keep coming back like toenail fungus. Now, we have Joel Osteen raking in the big bucks while he preaches heresies. And, it’s all preach and no practice to him. Love your neighbor? Use your ‘mega church’ to take in the flood refugees of Houston in their hour of need? Oh, HELL no!!! These are new carpets!

The ‘Satan hatin’’ crowd really was idiotic! Fueled by sleazy TV ‘stars’ masquerading as preachers (many of whom got caught with hookers or busted for embezzlement), parents bought into the absolute DUMBEST conspiracy theories! Your kid loves metal? Pull down his shirt collar; he’s probably wearing a Baphomet amulet. Your kid loves horror movies? He’ll be a serial killer before he graduates high school. Check his room for signs of blood and maybe a few dead bodies. Worst of all, does your kid play ‘Dungeons and Dragons’? Watch for his head starting to spin around while he bazooka-barfs pea soup. Also, check your house for signs of demonic activity. If the spots won’t come off your dishes, your household is probably possessed.

The scary thing is that parents actually bought into this shit! As a writer molded by heavy metal, horror films, and role-playing games, I take extreme offense. For an excellent rebuttal to all this nonsense, check out this podcast starring my long-suffering better half: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhxUdyfMdyE

But, for better or for worse, my parents believed that garbage. They ate it up like pig slop.

Ozzy wrote at great length about how hard it was to deal with protestors and matchstick men masquerading as preachers. I didn’t take that to heart until twenty-sixteen, when my better half and I took a long road trip to Minneapolis, Minnesota to see Black Sabbath during their finale tour.

There was this whole crowd of yahoos on the sidewalk in front of the venue, screaming into bullhorns. “THIS IS THE SONG OF FOOLS!!! YOU ARE ALL HERE TO WORSHIP THE DEVIL!!! YOU WILL BE DAMNED AND BURN FOR ALL ETERNITY!!! WE WILL BUY BACK YOUR TICKET TO SAVE YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL!!!”

My first thought was you haven’t figured out that nineteen eighty-five left without you?

My second thought came from a much angrier place: if those idiots were standing outside one of the Planned Parenthoods, gay bars, strip clubs, or Masonic lodges that we passed on the way to venue, I’d have asked to borrow a bullhorn so I could join them. We would have unarguably held the moral high ground! But, a concert? Raining on everyone’s parade during what might have been the high point of their lives? How many people can say they’ve seen BLACK SABBATH, and these clowns had to shit all over it?!

This scrawny dweeb with a bullhorn got in my better half’s face, which was a mistake; scrawny dweebs should never confront burly, muscled men who weigh an eighth of a ton. That’s just dumb. “YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!!!” he shouted.

My better half didn’t yell at him, and that was bad. When he yells, he’s just blowing off steam. When he speaks in a calm, measured tone he means exactly what he says. “If you don’t get that horn out of my face,” he said with a menacing half-smile, “I’ll shove it so far up your ass that it comes out of your nose.”

Scrawny Dweeb got the hint and backed off. I breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that he didn’t get into my face. It’s one thing to poke the bear; it’s quite another to poke the bear’s mate. My better half would have dragged him out into the street, curb-stomped him into pothole filler, and up-ended his bullhorn over his carcass as a makeshift traffic cone.

It’s one thing to read someone else’s account of being hassled by nutjobs. It’s quite another to have nutjobs coming at you! In real time. In your face. Foaming at mouth and screaming out psychotic ideas that they’re too crazy to ever be talked out of. The experience was unnerving, and I’ll never forget it. I’ll talk about the concert later, because I’ll also never forget THAT!!!

Yeah, this was the garbage that my parents fell for. So, yep! No metal for me.

But, there was my crazy uncle …

My mother gave birth to me when she was sixteen, so when I was old enough to start remembering things (around four) she was twenty. Her baby brother is six years younger than she is, so he would have been fourteen. Letting him babysit me was a ‘measure of last resort,’ but it occasionally happened.

And, my uncle would always bring over a backpack with records in it. I remember the first time I ever heard Ozzy’s ‘Crazy Train.’ I was dancing all around the living room, gleefully head-banging like a pint-sized maniac! “Careful, V!” laughed my uncle. “You’ll make the record skip!”

My uncle was my lifeline. He introduced me to music that reflected the darkness that I felt even at such a tender age. My childhood was defined by brutal verbal—and occasional physical—abuse. I always felt like I was strangling from the ironclad control exercised over my every word, my every move. I couldn’t breathe, and the dark music that my uncle brought over was oxygen. For just a few hours, I felt free. I could breathe again. People were singing thoughts that mirrored my own, and suddenly those thoughts became a lot less scary. Ozzy—and others like him—made it okay to harbor dark ideas about the suffering being inflicted upon me.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Metal is catharsis. By turning fear and pain into art, fear and pain are robbed of their power over you. Horror films have the exact same effect. Life moved on, and soon I wasn’t four anymore. I was seven…

I loved listening to my hometown rock station, FM99, on my headphones after my mother and stepfather went to bed. As much as I enjoyed their music, it bugged me that they rarely played metal. Oh, they had all the ‘classic rock’ and ‘glam rock’ covered—and I loved both genres—but playing the likes of Black Sabbath, Ozzy Osbourne, or Metallica? You were lucky to get one song a day by those bands. Metal wouldn’t become ‘mainstreamed’ until Metallica released their self-titled album in nineteen ninety-one.

So, I had to get my hands on cassettes. There was no other option.

The only record store with bike-riding distance to me was this tiny shop that sat in what was otherwise a sprawling, empty lot between Sewell’s Point Road and I-64. The window was completely covered in fading, dusty posters of pop, soul, and R&B stars. It was widely rumored that the shop was just a cover for less-than-legal activities, and it was on the bad side of the Five Points intersection.

But, it was a RECORD store!!!

I talked a neighborhood boy into making the initial journey with me, since I was kind of scared of the neighborhood. That wasn’t hard; I was always a pretty lil’ gal (no brag, just fact) and getting a boy to tag along was effortless. He was like, whoa! I get to hang out with V?!

The bike ride was pretty scary, but, times were different then. You didn’t have to afraid in a bad neighborhood until you were a teenager. Gang-bangers didn’t mess with small children. Now? They’ll murder a three-year-old but it wasn’t like that back then. So, we made it to the record store safely. (Notice that I’m not giving the name of the record store? Just in case the owner wasn’t involved in less-than-legal activities, I don’t wanna slander him …)

(That having been said, I’m pretty sure he was.)

So, we walked inside. The owner was watching a flickering black-and-white TV behind the counter. He was a, um, ‘large gentleman of color,’ and he looked at my escort and I like we both had three heads. “Whatchoo lil’ crackas’ DOIN’ in here?!” he demanded.

“Just looking for some tapes, Sir,” I replied politely. (I’ve been called a ‘cracker’ more times than I can count. That’s what it was like to grow up in culturally-divided Norfolk, Virginia. Honestly? It never really offended me. Yes, I’m white. Which—in colloquial terms—makes me a ‘cracker.’ I don’t get bent out of shape over racial slurs. I don’t think it’s any worse to use a racial slur than it is to call someone a ‘big, fat stupid-head.’ An insult is an insult, no more and no less. It’s dumb to elevate one kind of insult over another.)

But, I digress …

A cursory look through the dust-covered records and cassettes made one thing immediately obvious: This record store had a ‘no white artists allowed’ policy. “Sir,” I asked the portly owner, who still looked shocked by our presence, “do you have any Black Sabbath albums?”

“I don’t sell no ‘white people music’!” he proclaimed.

I hung my head, defeated …

And, then his demeanor softened. Despite whatever sketchy business he may or may not have been involved in, he obviously had a heart. “But,” he added, “I do got dis catalogue!”

I perked up as he pulled a phone-book sized catalogue out from under the counter. “You tell me whatchoo want,” he explained, “and gimme fi’ dolla. Come back next week, and I’ll have yo’ tape and you pay the other fi’ dolla den.”

And, that’s how I got my hands on a cassette copy of Black Sabbath’s Paranoid

I did a fair amount of business with that portly black gentleman over the next couple of years. The routine was always the same: bat my eyelashes at a boy to get him to go with me, tremble in fear on the bike ride there and back again, tell the fat man what I wanted and give him ‘fi’ dolla,’ and then repeat the ritual the next week to pick up my cassette.

I kept my cassettes hidden in my closet. If I didn’t, they’d get confiscated and I’d get grounded for engaging in ‘Devil worship.’

It’s funny, when Guns n’ Roses came out with Appetite for Destruction, I went in and ordered a copy. Upon being given the band name the fat man hastily blurted out ‘I don’t sell guns!” Which, of course, immediately told me everything I needed to know. Of course he did! I’ll wager that he had a dozen handguns under his counter (sans, of course, a dozen serial numbers).

But, you know what? I don’t give a shit. He was kind to me and we did a lot of (legal) business. What lawn-mowing money of mine didn’t go to him went for comic books, and thus I was content.

When I was twelve or so, my parents bought me a mountain bike for Christmas that went a lot faster than my dirt bike. I was also getting bolder about venturing further afield, so one day I made the journey to Traxx Records in Ward’s Corner.

Traxx was the TAJ MAHAL of record stores!!! Think Empire Records from the movie by the same name. Suddenly, the angels started singing from the heavens. No more paying ‘fi’ dolla’ in installments; they had everything in stock!

Ward’s Corner is in the Jewish section of Norfolk. The Jews have a synagogue there, and they all live huddled in this one neighborhood so they can walk to the synagogue on nice days without breaking Moses’ law about walking too far on Saturday. I felt much safer because—unless I’m badly mistaken—you don’t often hear about people being robbed by Orthodox Jews.

So, my bike trips to Traxx Records continued until I got my driver’s license at the age of seventeen. And. no, thank God, I never got mugged by a rabbi.

So, what treasures from Black Sabbath and Ozzy Osbourne did I discover during those years? What amazing music did I acquire whilst trembling past gang-bangers and waving cheerfully at Jews on hot summer days?

Lessee …

After Paranoid, I’m reasonably certain that the next album I bought was Black Sabbath’s self-titled debut. Talk about getting blown away, now! The opening track gave me the absolute shivers; it reminded me of the old Universal Studios horror films that I so loved as a kid. What is this/ that stands before me/ figure in black/ which points at me/ turn ‘round quick/ and start to run/ Find out I’m the chosen one/ OH, NO!!! (Fittingly, Black Sabbath takes their name from a horror film starring Boris Karloff of Universal Studios fame. On a side note, I have a pet sugar glider named Boris. Yep, after Boris Karloff.)

Another song that blew me away was ‘N.I.B.’, so named after the shape of drummer Bill Ward’s head which looked like a fountain-pen nib. The rabid ‘Satan haters’ claimed that the name was an acronym for ‘Nativity in Black,’ which would later become the title of a Black Sabbath tribute album. I loved the song because I love any song that tells a story! The lyrics come from a seductive lover wooing a young woman: Some people say my love cannot be true/ please believe me, my love/ and I’ll show you/ I will give you those things you thought unreal/ the sun, the moon, the stars all bear my seal…

But, I love the twist ending. After all the sweet talk and self-adulation, the young lady finds that her seducer is actually the Devil: Now I have you with me/ under my power/ my love grows stronger now/ with every hour/ look into my eyes, you’ll see who I am/ my name is Lucifer, please take my hand …

Cue the BASS riff!!!

That song became particularly poignant in my twenties. Who hasn’t fallen for some smooth-talker that finally tipped his hand and went from being an angel to becoming the Devil?! ‘N.I.B.’ is a timeless tune.

Another album I bought after Black Sabbath was Sabbath Bloody Sabbath. (An album/song title that U2—the worst band ever to have set foot on a stage in my opinion—would later rip off.) The title cut, in my opinion, is Ozzy’s best vocal performance ever. Sabbath bloody Sabbath/ what you gonna do?/ living just for dying/ dying just for you. Recorded in a creepy castle (as described in Ozzy’s autobiography I am Ozzy), the album is a fitting reflection of the drug-addled, dark circumstances under which it was recorded.

I also bought Ozzy’s Bark at the Moon. Honestly? I didn’t like it and I still don’t. But, Ozzy was still reeling from the sudden death of his guitarist Randy Rhoads, and I think he struggled to work with his new guitarist Jake E. Lee. The album was born of a disjointed working relationship, and it shows. Except, of course, for the title cut which is pure GENIUS!!!

I loved that Jake E. Lee used a movable chord for the main riff, much like Zakk Wylde would later do with the iconic balled ‘Mama, I’m Coming Home.’ The lyrics—once again—were reminiscent of my beloved black-and-white horror films. Howling at shadows/ living in a lunar spell/ he finds his heaven/ spewing from the mouth of Hell/ those that the beast is looking for/ listen in awe and you’ll hear him/ BARK AT THE MOON!!! I love the werewolf howl at the end; I always have to do it when I’m singing along. AWOOOOOOO!!! Whoa, whoa, yeah, bark at the moon!

Ozzy’s next release with Jake E. Lee on guitars, however, was NOT ‘disjointed’!!! I have only ever used one word to describe The Ultimate Sin: ‘elegant.’ My favorite song on the album is ‘Killer of Giants,’ but, honestly? Like Pink Floyd’s The Wall or Iron Maiden’s Brave New World, I can never just listen to one or two songs. I MUST let the album play all the way through!

Then came No Rest for the Wicked

THAT was the first Ozzy album to feature guitarist Zakk Wylde, who is, um, yeah, kind of a demi-god in my household. Zakk went on to become the front man for Pride and Glory and Black Label Society, and he also released two brilliant acoustic albums under his own name. What’s cool, though, is that while Zakk would go on to become an incredibly nuanced musician, No Rest for the Wicked is an amazingly raw piece of work. Ozzy’s iconic voice played off of Zakk’s heavy riffing, and the world was handed a slice of heavy metal at its absolute finest.

Then came No More Tears ...

Good grief, y’all! Can you imagine a world without ‘Mama, I’m Coming Home’? The one track that always hit me hardest was ‘The Road to Nowhere.’ I’m still haunted by lingering ruin that was my twenties, and Ozzy sung quite eloquently about the topic: The wreckage of my past keeps haunting me/ it won’t leave me alone/ I still find it all a mystery/ could it be a dream?/ the road to nowhere leads to me …

So, yep, that’s the hodge-podge of albums that I bought from the fat black man and Traxx Records. But, it didn’t end there. When I was seventeen, Ozzy released Ozzmosis. I can’t even BEGIN to tell you what that record meant to me and what a profound influence it was during my late adolescent years. Me n’ my favorite boy cousin Eric used to sing along to it for hours. We weren’t izzackly ace singers, but, that’s okay. Music is about participation, not perfection; it’s about enthusiasm, not operatic training. I don’t give a shit if you sound like Bob Dylan, just go ‘head and sing! I don’t mind. I’ll sing along with you!

So, let’s switch gears here …

I’ve often said that Ozzy Osbourne’s/ Black Sabbath’s music is the soundtrack of my life. Why? What moments during my short existence could have conjured such music into the forefront of my brain?

Lessee …

‘Crazy Train’ – I remember jamming around my living room at the age of four or so, and I asked my crazy uncle ‘what did Ozzy say there? I didn’t understand.’ So, my uncle explained that the lyric was mental wounds not healing. I didn’t understand that either, so he had to explain what ‘mental wounds’ were. At which point I sat down on the carpet and mournfully replied, ‘yeah, I got those.’

I’ll never forget the look on my uncle’s face. He knew how crazy his sister was and he tried his best—particularly during my adolescent years—to shield me from her relentless abuse. ‘Let’s order a pizza, kiddo,’ he said kindly. ‘Your mom said we could.’

‘Miracle Man’ – Ozzy penned the lyrics to this one after televangelist Jimmy Swaggart got busted with a hooker. Miracle Man got busted! I found the song quite cathartic. Suddenly, one of ‘Satan haters’ who caused me so much pain got his just desserts. Jimmy Swaggart fanned the flames of the anti-metal movement, blaming Ozzy’s song ‘Suicide Solution’ for a tragic teenage suicide. Even a cursory glance at the song tells you that it’s a song about alcohol addiction and not an endorsement of suicide: wine is fine/ but whiskey’s quicker/ suicide is slow with liquor/ take a bottle, drown your sorrows/ then it floods away tomorrows/ evil thoughts and evil doings/ cold, alone, you hang in ruins/ thought that you’d escape the reaper/ you can’t escape the Master Keeper.

Jimmy Swaggart fucked up my life just like he fucked up Ozzy’s. I was quite happy to hear that ‘Miracle Man’ GOT BUSTED!!!

‘Mama, I’m Coming Home’ – Yes, this is just a pretty ballad to most people. But, it has much more meaning to me. A few times a month, my better half stumbles home from work looking like he’s been run over by a truck. He’s pushed himself to the limit and he’s finished. When that happens, my world comes to a complete stop. It doesn’t matter what I wanted to write or what I meant to do that evening; the head of my household is down for the count and now I’m ‘up.’ I know my place. Genesis says that ‘the Lord God said “it is not good for man to be alone; I will make a helper who is suitable for him.”’

I’m not the ‘mover-and-shaker’; I’m the helper. My better half always gushes with gratitude when I take care of things after he’s been busted to shit; he always tells me he looks forward to coming home. It scares me when he comes home in such a condition because he’s not the same strong, happy-go-lucky guy who left for work that morning. That’s when Ozzy’s song springs to mind: Times have changed/ and times are strange/ here I come but I ain’t the same/ Mama, I’m coming home.

My role was assigned at the beginning of Creation: ‘a helper who is suitable for him.’ His was assigned at Creation as well: ‘subdue the earth.’ If either one of use fail to do our jobs? Another line from Ozzy’s song will come true: selfish love/ yeah, we’re both alone/ the ride before the fall

That’s probably anti-feminist but I was never much of a feminist anyway. God ordered this world to work in a certain way, and men and women were both created for specific purposes. I know mine. When I peep through the kitchen curtain and see the head of my household stumbling out of his truck, I think here I come but I ain’t the same

He thinks Mama, I’m coming home.

And, that’s marriage. To understand your place in Creation leads to a happy relationship. Fighting against your place in Creation leads to being alone, embittered, and wondering where the hell all the good men went.

I’m not alone and I’m not embittered. ‘Mama, I’m Coming Home’ is also one of my favorite songs to play on guitar. When I was first learning to finger-pick that was one of the first tunes I figured out. And, I’ll never forget Ozzy’s profound lyrics until I either croak or go completely senile.

‘I Just Want You’ – There are no un-lockable doors/ there are no un-winnable wars/ there are no un-rightable wrongs or un-singable songs/ there are un-beatable odds/ there are no believable gods/ there are no un-namable names/ shall I say it again/ there are no impossible dreams/ there are no invisible seams/ each night when they day is through/ I don’t ask much, I just want you.

People have often asked me why I love that song so much when it says ‘there are no believable gods.’ To me? Even as a Christian, that lyric makes perfect sense. A deity, by definition, is unbelievable. That’s why we’re rewarded for having faith; we found the strength to believe the unbelievable. Ozzy spoke the truth: there are no believable gods.

But, this song has always held an even deeper meaning for me. When I started dating my better half it always played in my mind’s ear. Yeah, I’m told I have a near-genius IQ. What the fuck ever. If I do indeed possess all the smarts that my educators said I did, it still doesn’t mean a damn thing. Everything I know is a drop in the bucket compared to all that there is to know.

I didn’t know any more when I was dating my better half than I do now, but I did know this: I wanted that relationship to be my last. No more fooling around, no more mistakes, and no more disappointments. Each night when the day is through/ I don’t ask much, I just want you.

I got what I wanted. Life is good!

Honestly? I could go on forever. Ozzy Osbourne was a profound thinker but he always delivered his profound thoughts in a blue-collar, relatable manner. His sense of humor was amazing, as was his humility. He made a boatload of mistakes (like, you know, going on a forty-year bender) but he always readily admitted to them. When his album Ordinary Man came out, I slowly began the mourning process: I’ve been the bad guy/ been higher than the blue sky/ but the truth is I don’t wanna die an ordinary man. (That was a duet with his longtime friend Elton John, by the way.)

After Ordinary Man came Patient Number Nine. Patient Number Nine was fitting finale for our beloved Prince of Darkness. The songs were all co-written with a ‘who’s who’ of epic guitarists. Zakk Wylde, Toni Iommi, Eric Clapton, the late, great Jeff Beck … That album was INCREDIBLE!!! But, it was also haunting. You could hear Ozzy facing his own upcoming demise. I love the song ‘Mr. Darkness’: Dear Mr. Darkness/ I write you again

Who hasn’t felt so low that he feels like his only solace are his own dark thoughts? While Ordinary Man was a fairly even-tempered album, Patient Number Nine was heavy as HELL!!! Talk about throwing a hand grenade through the door on your way out.

In twenty-sixteen, I saw Black Sabbath in Minneapolis, Minnesota. It was worth the road trip and it was worth fighting past the bullhorn-wielding idiot who nearly got himself snapped in half by my husband. To hear the First Voice of heavy metal shouting ‘GOD BLESS YOU ALL’ and demanding that you clap along with him, well …

I clapped. And, clapped and clapped until my arms felt like rubber. And, then, clapped some more. That’s the magic of the legend that was Ozzy Osbourne. Seeing him live didn’t feel like a concert. It felt like a party, and he was your enthusiastic host! He made it his duty to ensure that you had a wonderful evening and you left his party with a wide grin. He once wrote about that: ‘That’s what I do. I’m an entertainer.’

Yes. Yes, he was!

Shortly before his passing, Ozzy rejoined Black Sabbath for a finale concert. Who’d have guessed that he was giving us his two-week notice? But, that was the Oz-man for you. I waited a while to write this blog because I needed to recollect my memories to give that ol’ bat-eating maestro a fitting tribute. One does not simply take the entire soundtrack of one’s life and then re-arrange it into a neat blog in one day …

I didn’t start writing until I stopped crying.

That’s what Ozzy wanted. As he wrote in Trust Me, I’m Doctor Ozzy: I honestly don’t care what music they play at my funeral—they can put on a medley of Justin Bieber, Susan Boyle, and “We Are the Diddymen” if it makes ‘em happy—but I do want to make sure it’s a celebration, not a mope-fest. Also, it’s worth remembering that a lot of people on this earth see nothing but misery their whole lives. So by any measure, most of us in the Western Hemisphere—especially rockers like me—are very lucky. That’s why I don’t want my funeral to be sad. I want it to be a time to say ‘thanks.’

I’m trying not to be sad. I’m trying to remember the wise words of Dr. Seuss: ‘Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.’ On a final note, I will leave all you lovely readers with this: a few thoughts on death sung by the Man Himself. Don’t cry, just sing along. That’s what Ozzy wanted you to do. That was his final wish, and I for one honor it.

As the iconic playwright Jack Thorne once wrote: ‘Those we love never truly leave us. There are things that death cannot touch.’ It is impossible to write about Ozzy without mentioning his well-documented foibles, and I have. But, as Jack Thorne also wrote: ‘They were great men, with huge flaws, and you know what—those flaws almost made them greater.’

Rest in peace, Old Friend. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9yYJ6ZAYns&list=RD-9yYJ6ZAYns&start_radio=1

Welcome to ‘Lessons on Seduction’!!!

The year was 2020 …

I’d just been signed on with a respected romance imprint. The first book I ever read from said publisher was one written by my good friend Estelle Pettersen, who took the gig just before I did.

We were both ‘newbies,’ you know? I’ll always have a soft spot for Estelle because of that. We were both trying to find our feet in a new world, and working together made us more confident. Estelle asked me to read her script before it was released.

Naturally, being the good ‘wing gal’ that I am, I did. This is how it opens …

Look, y’all, I ain’t gonna mince words here. There’s a certain dissonance when it comes to art. I adore horror films, but I am not in the least inclined to run out and kill someone. I like sexy stories, but they don’t make me toddle out and cheat on my better half. Honestly? That’s why I love Estelle. She’s never said ‘boo’ about my sadistic tales; she just takes them in stride. I don’t judge her any more than she does me. I don’t write tales that hit the top of the ‘erotic’ scale, and Estelle doesn’t drown the world in literary blood. I’m violent. She’s erotic. And, honestly? It’s all just ‘pretend,’ both the blood and the blowjobs.

If erotic stories have a ‘cause and effect’ impact on you – if ‘Lessons on Seductions’ will tempt you to do something immoral – then don’t read it. It’s funny, though. Estelle’s public bios paint her as a loving ‘family woman.’ I know her; she’s a devoted wife and mother. (And, yes. I have a policy of never saying anything about a fellow author that the author hasn’t already said to the reading public.)

‘Lessons on Seduction’ is a fantasy, nothing more. The author—like me—is detached from her fantasies. Much like my own brutally violent fiction, this tale is just an escape. We authors LOVE to write about things that we would never do in real life! I would never harm anyone—brutally or otherwise—and I’m reasonably certain that Estelle would never wreck her happy home with grossly inappropriate sexual behavior.

That having been said, ‘Lessons on Seduction’ a ROCKIN’ tale! The opening made be blush. Bad writing elicits no response from me whatsoever, blushing or otherwise, but that’s not ‘Lessons’ …

Sapphire, the leading lady, is a complete skunk. She has the morals of an alley cat. And that’s what makes her story SO much fun to read! Her tale is a deliciously naughty one. Remember, this is fantasy. Not real life. I found Sapphire to be a very engaging leading lady; in fact, I think it was her shameless amorality that made her such a standout from other romance heroines, including my own.

Julian, the leading man, is cut from the same cloth as Sapphire. It is no small task, molding a yahoo who generally thinks with his second head into someone truly likable. But Estelle does. Julian’s evolution of character is subtle; the shifts in his thinking are so gradual that you don’t notice them. Then, when you’ve finished reading, you look at who he is at the end of the book compared with who he was at the beginning. Only then does the contrast hit you.

The ending—the last few paragraphs—really sticks the landing. Skunks don’t run around behaving like skunks and then miraculously earn a ‘happily ever after.’ Not in real life, anyway, but this is a story. Sapphire and Julian’s happy ending reads beautifully. (And, no, that’s not a spoiler. Romance—erotic or otherwise—by definition always has a happy ending! If a love story doesn’t have a happy ending, then it’s just a love story and not a romance. See also Titanic, or maybe Romeo and Juliet.)

What I loved most about this tale is how Estelle artfully inserted profound thoughts even if they were woven throughout all the sexual hi jinks! That is truly indicative of great writing. Great writing doesn’t just tell you a story; it also makes you think. It challenges your ideas and your belief system.

‘Lessons on Seductions’ is a great book. Full stop. Yeah, read it with caution or maybe don’t read it at all if it will tempt you to do something wrong …

But, honestly? If you can handle it, it’s a damn good story. Five stars. I THOROUGHLY enjoyed it!

IF YOU DARE TO READ ‘LESSONS ON SEDUCTION,’ YOU CAN FIND IT HERE!!! https://www.amazon.com/Lessons-Seduction-Estelle-Pettersen-ebook/dp/B08BKRPF63/ref=sr_1_1

An Interview by Andrea Miles Rhoads!!!

Andrea Miles Rhoads was a both dear friend of mine and a ferociously effective mentor. Her clever marketing landed me not one but three bestsellers: ‘Haunting at the No Return Hotel,’ ‘Genesis Rising I: The Children of Apep,’ and ‘Genesis Rising II: The Angel and the Beast.’

Honestly? I miss her most as a friend and mother figure. Andrea was quick to ‘get after me’ when I messed up, and quite stern about telling me what I needed to do in order to become the author that I wanted to be. But, behind all that business-like sternness beat a heart of the purest gold. Andrea cared about me as a younger author, and she never wavered in her belief that I was tough enough to evolve into the writer that I so craved to become. Working with her was like working with one’s mother: the perfect balance of love and discipline.

Why discipline? Because Andrea possessed something that I lack: Marketing skills. I had to be molded into something that I was not, and she made doing so her mission.

Andrea’s passing was sudden and heartbreaking. Like my fellow author Gerry ‘Alan’ Souter and my poet friend Chris Taylor, not a day goes by that I don’t mourn her. But, as Dr. Seuss put it: ‘Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.’

I’m smiling. Sadly, some days, but still smiling. Andrea would have sternly ordered me to smile, and then given me an ass-chewing if I didn’t. And, then she’d go on to tell me how awesome I was even if I didn’t believe that myself.

What follows is an unreleased interview with me that Andrea did, meant for one of her newsletters. Sadly, it was never published. But, Andrea always did tell me that my biggest marketing strength was my ability to be a ‘ham,’ at least when I could hide behind a keyboard.

So, here’s me … answering a few questions from one of the greatest women I’ve ever known. Andrea left the world a better place than it was when she came into it. I – and many authors like me – will testify to this.

So, without any further ado …

AMR: Where did you grow up and do you still live there?

Sadly, I don’t live there anymore. I do miss the ocean! I was born and raised in Norfolk, Virginia, USA.

AMR: When you were younger, what did you want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to illustrate comic books as a teenager. I made fair amount of money in graphic design, advertising art, and portraits in my younger years. I was accepted by the Joe Kubert School of Animation and Art … and then I second-guessed myself. I was like, those artists spend fifteen hours a day hunched over a drawing board! Is that really how I wanna live?! So during my later years, I gravitated toward writing. It struck me as a more direct form of self-expression.

AMR: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Honestly? Dead. The world is blowing itself up even as I type this, and I’m not naïve enough to believe that I’ll escape the fallout. But as Michael Ende—the author of the iconic The Neverending Story—put it: ‘That is another tale, and shall be told at another time.’ In the meantime, God blessed me with a wonderful life. When it’s over, it’s over. I love the quote from one my favorite films, The Village: ‘We are grateful for the time that we have been given.’

AMR: When did you start writing and why?

I was in my teens. I fell in love with the works of Ray Bradbury, Mark Twain, and Daphne du Maurier. But I was still mostly an artist back then, so the writer that bridged the gap between writing and art for me was J. Marc DeMatteis—a comic-book writer. J. Marc’s writing brought Sal Buscema’s art to glorious life, and that’s when I began to examine the written word. Sal Buscema I already understood; he was an artist, like me. But there was something about J. Marc DeMatteis’ storytelling that I found very intriguing, and wanted to further explore.

AMR: What is your favorite movie?  How many times have you seen it?

I have three: The Lion King, The Crow, and Natural Born Killers. Honestly? They never get old. I’ve seen all three at least a hundred times, maybe more.

AMR: What genre do you write?

ALL of ‘em!!! Literature is just one big, exciting adventure for me. There’s always some new frontier, you know?

AMR: What is your favorite book or character that you have written?

I have two favorite characters. Jillian is a werewolf, and she was featured in “Renewing Forever” and “Beginning Forever,” both published by Black Velvet Seductions. And then there’s ‘The Dark One.’ I ain’t spilling the beans quite yet, but you’ll meet him soon enough! (V’s Note: ‘The Dark One’ appears in ‘Genesis Rising II: The Angel and the Beast.’)

AMR: Do you have a new release coming out? What is the title and genre?

I have book one and book two in a series entitled Genesis Rising. The genre is dark fantasy. The titles are The Children of Apep and The Angel and the Beast. The contracts haven’t come in yet, but I think I also have two short stories on deck: a sci-fi romance entitled “Talitha,” and an erotic romance entitled “Behind the Wall of Sleep.” (V’s Note: Both of the anthologies in which those stories first appeared are out of print, but both tales have been re-published in ‘Even in Madness.’)

AMR: What are your rituals before you start writing?

Drink a lot of beer. DON’T judge! I’m working on that … (V’s Note: I’m trying to recover from alcoholism now …)

AMR: Who is or are your favorite authors? Favorite Book?

Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn, Ray Bradbury’s The October Country, and Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca. I re-read all three every year. And yes, that’s my triad of literary idols!

AMR: Fun facts about you?  Or unusual thing about you.

I like tartar sauce on my omelettes. I’m also a huge fan of musicals, despite my well-deserved reputation as a metal chick. Phantom of the Opera and Hairspray are two of my favorites!.

AMR: What words of wisdom would you give someone wanting to become a writer?

Don’t do it. Seriously. It ain’t worth it. But if you MUST do it, well … go ‘head and PM me. I may have some advice for you! Being an author is both a blessing and a curse. It’s best avoided if possible, but yeah, if it’s your curse—and you can’t escape it—I’m here for you!

AMR: If you had 2 hours to talk to whoever you wish alive or dead, who would it be and why?  And what would you talk about?

Jesus. Humans cannot truly create; we can only re-arrange the elements of that which has already been created. I’d like to sit down with the true Creator—BEFORE I kick the bucket—and ask Him what that process looks like.

AMR: Anything additional you wish to add?

DON’T write because you wanna be rich and famous! It ain’t happening. Trust me, I would know. If you wanna be rich and famous, go screw some Hollywood producer and hope that he puts you into a movie. Good luck with that! Not the screwing part, of course; that’s easy. The ‘being put into a movie’ is the hard part, and may require repeated screwing.

Write because you want to, and for no other reason. Write because you have stories to tell. Write because you hope that your words will inspire a young person. Write because you can’t imagine what your life would like if you weren’t a writer. Whatever your reason … just write! Writing is pure. Writing is clean, and comes from an altruistic place in the human heart.

If you love stories—if you love the written word—you must write! The world is desperate to hear what you have to say, whether they realize it or not. The social-media haters might say otherwise, but hey …

F**K ‘em!!!

And that’s it. If I were to keel over right now, I think those would make fitting last words for my tombstone.

I mean, there’s even an F-bomb in there …

May God rest the soul of Andrea Miles Rhoads. Sleep well, my friend. I’ll be seeing you soon enough. – V

Meet Dirty Space Groove!!!

LADIES AAAAAAND GENTLEMEN!!!

Boy howdy, do I EVER have a different sort of band for you today! You know how we all have our own quirky record collections? How most of us have a lot of our favorite genre and then we have a little something of everything else?

Imagine a band that somehow managed to put ‘everything else’ onto a single record …

That band would be DIRTY SPACE GROOVE!!! My new friend Dave Neri was kind enough to have a chat with me, representing his band and explaining some of the ‘stories behind the songs.’

So, without any further ado …!

K, here we go … Dave, can you tell us about Dirty Space Groove and how you got together?

Okay, about three years ago, MTK3 the vocalist posted for a side project band on Mondays. I knew of him from his prior band Kocosante, they were very popular and he’s is a great front man, I was in between projects at the time, so we met up with former drummer Marc from another local band Toasted Marshmallow Zombies, clicked immediately, and began writing songs that night

MTK3?

Mike Thomas Kennedy the Third. This is his stage name

Ah! For our readers, what is your local area? I like to know where my favorite bands are so I can show up, get hammered, and usually land myself in trouble!

We are in south Florida

Lucky … I’m freezing my patootie off at the moment! I’d like to chat about this MTK3, if we may. I’m listening to the single ‘Nancy’ as we’re talking. VERY unique singer! The first thing that comes to mind is ‘edgy nerd rock.’ And I DO hope he takes that as a compliment! See also Michael Stipe of R.E.M. and, of course, Geddy Lee of Rush. I’d be curious as to what drove him toward his unique singing style when rock in general seems to have gravitated toward darker, snarly vocals. Can you share a little about that?

Well, when we got together we were going to write heavier material, but I write more of a dark pop kinda rock style with melodies, so I brought this. MTK3 changed his normal style and really brought that unique voice you hear now. Most people say he sounds like Ozzy, or we sound like Faith No More meets the Red Hot Chili Peppers. But, he really learned a new way to sing, and it’s been really good to be able to stand apart from what is going on and focus on new sounds and vocal melodies

I also hear echoes of Rob Halford. ‘Nancy’ is a pretty heavy song, and the note at the beginning of the video talks about mental illness. Is that a running theme in Dirty Space Groove’s music?

No , we all have family members that fall into all of the categories of mental illness discussed in the opening segment of the video. I worked in memory/ Alzheimer’s care for a while and it really broke my heart, but our music jumps to different genres from we want to party to until the world ends or the climate/ pollution issues just being straight up silly. (V’s note: Yeah, ‘climate change’ is just fuckin’ silly. It’s called ‘weather,’ dipshit!) So, there’s really no path we follow when writing; whatever comes out comes out. We like to play around with the whole ‘alien’ thing; it’s fun, and we’ve all had encounters for our whole lives. When you hear our EP on iTunes you will see how different each song is.

Alzheimer’s really is heartbreaking. Yes, ‘diverse’ DEFINITELY describes Dirty Space Groove! A lot of bands would chase me down and beat me with the mic stand for saying this, but I’m hearing a definite eighties pop influence. Echoes of Wham!, A-Ha, and David Bowie, you know? And, also excellent use of pianos and keyboards. Was it deliberate, adding those elements to the music or did it just kind of evolve?

With My Sweet Space Dream, we did want the eighties elements, the Miami sound, KC and the Sunshine Bands horns, electronic drums reminiscent of the drums on Miami vice, and a bit of the Latin flair. You have a good ear. The synths are played by Carlos we played together in a band prior. I always play with synths, keyboards rather than another guitarist to open up our musical pallet and more soundscapes.

When our good friend Cheri Belfiore-Kane first sent me your music, that was the one thing that really blew me away. Most bands tend to revolve their music around one or two elements, whether it be vocals, lead guitar, bass, etc. With Dirty Space Groove, no one element jumps out … which somehow makes them ALL jump out—perfect balance. You don’t often hear that; I honestly think that’s what made Guns N’ Roses such a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon. So, how do y’all write? Is your process structured or do the songs come from jam sessions? Do one or two of you write and the band fleshes it out, or is everyone involved from the get-go? DO share! I’m always fascinated by the writing process.

It’s different with every song. We all bring elements to the songs; someone will have a riff or a complete song and bring it in, or we take some elements from jam sessions that we play every night as a warm-up before rehearsal. But, everyone brings their style to the songs and we all write and play multiple instruments so we have many songs

Wow … I really appreciate the bass and drum players. They almost sound like different musicians with every song. It’s very tempting, I think, to settle on a ‘pet’ set of riffs and tempos. Do y’all do your own sound mixing, or is that subbed out to a studio?

Nancy and My Sweet Space Dream was played by Marc, our first drummer. The rest of the EP was a drummer named Alfredo; he has since left the band and we are working with a new drummer: Jeremy Staska. https://www.discogs.com/artist/261969-Jeremy-Staska from Studio 13; he also co-produced the EP with us and played some Latin instruments on it. Jeremy also mixed the EP and mastering was done by https://coladamix.com/ . We brought our good friend Oski Gonzalez https://www.facebook.com/oski.gonzalez.10 in to play congas on a few tunes, so we have an amazing team behind us.

Indeed you do! Tell me, who made that GORGEOUS video for My Sweet Space Dream? It SO reminds me of one of my favorite films: Heavy Metal!

That was made by Odette, the bassist David’s wife. It is very electric and eye-catching; she did an amazing job. Heavy Metal is one of my favs, too, I seen it in the theater when it came out. The song is about someone that is obsessed with Lady GaGa (Stephene) and he can only see her in his dreams.

Lucky! My mother wouldn’t let me see Heavy Metal when it came out. And, wow! Dreams are a running theme in my writing; I often think we don’t attach enough importance to them. Speaking of theaters, I’m told Dirty Space Groove has a major event coming up?

Yes, we are playing two nights at Deafstock, the first of its kind event to help all walks of life enjoy music and celebrate life.

https://deafstock.org

deafstock.org

Nice! I once knew a deaf fellow who loved going to metal shows. He said he could feel the beat even if he couldn’t hear anything, and he loved the energy. And, that does kind of sound like the first of its kind. How did Deafstock come to be?

This is taken from the page Story of Deafstock Music & Art Festival About Deafstock, Inc.: ‘David Ritchey, a passionate advocate for inclusivity in music and art, founded the Deafstock Music & Art Festival to bridge the gap between the Deaf and hearing communities. Inspired by the idea of Woodstock and frustrated by the lack of accessibility at traditional events, David envisioned a festival where everyone could enjoy music and art together for all walks of life. One evening at a local music festival, David felt frustrated by the lack of accessibility for Deaf individuals. This idea inspired him to create the Deafstock Music & Art Festival, where Deaf and hearing people could enjoy music and art equally. He envisioned a three-day festival with visual art installations, live performances with sign language interpreters, and tactile experiences. David assembled a dedicated all-volunteer team and faced numerous challenges, including funding and skepticism. They launched a successful crowd funding campaign and secured a spacious, accessible park for the event. Partnering with local Deaf and hearing artists, they also incorporated innovative technologies like vibrating dance floors and visual light shows. Deafstock features visual art installations, live music performances with sign language interpreters, and tactile experiences that let Deaf attendees feel the music through vibrations. The festival celebrates the talents of Deaf artists and musicians, providing them a platform to showcase their work. With the inaugural event set for April 2025, Deafstock aims to create a vibrant, inclusive environment. David and his dedicated team have worked tirelessly to bring this vision to life, transforming a spacious park into a celebration of music and art for all. Join us as we break down barriers and foster unity through the power of creativity.’ I seen his post on Facebook about five months ago, and we said we have to be a part of this event. We help out any organization that is for the betterment of humans and brings awareness to any worthwhile cause. We were the first band to apply to play.

Truly a noble cause! Rockers are and have always been the most charitable people I know. Always looking out for others! So, what’s new on the horizon for Dirty Space Groove? What does the far future hold?

Well, we are working with Irongate records, we are putting together a tour, and going back to record another six songs. We’ll have new videos and we’re looking forward to connecting with new fans around the world

WOW! Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes! I for one—to quote Senator Palpatine—will be watching your career with great interest! So, before we wrap up, I have one final question for you. I always ask this one because I think it’s the most important question: What advice would you give a young/aspiring musician?

Learn about the business part as much as the music part. Be yourself and don’t follow trends. Write, write, and write music. Get knowledge on publishing and all aspects of the biz. Collaborate with other artists, and don’t be a dick!

‘Don’t be a dick!’ LOVE it! And, I absolutely agree about learning the business end. I struggled with that as an author but I had some great mentors, as I’m sure you did, too. Thank you, Dave, so much for your time today! Here’s wishing both you and Dirty Space Groove ALL the best going forward!

Thank you, Virginia.

You are most welcome. Cheers!

CONNECT WITH DIRTY SPACE GROOVE ON FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/DirtySpaceGroove

CHECK OUT DIRTY SPACE GROOVE’S VIDEOS! https://www.youtube.com/@dirtyspacegroove

Welcome to ‘Lilah’s Limit’!!!

“You were right, Mommy. He’s an angel. God did touch him with his finger! Look at the beautiful scars …” – Line from Suzanne Smith’s Lilah’s Limit

Was there ever any doubt that Suzanne Smith is the Queen of Dark Romance?

Well, in case you missed the memo … yeah, she kinda is. https://virginiawallace.com/2021/03/03/a-chat-with-suzanne-smith/

This is the epitome of dark romance, a gothic masterpiece reminiscent of Mary Shelley and Anne Rice with a dash of Daphne du Maurier thrown in.

Taking place in New Orleans in eighteen seventy-one, Lilah’s Limit is set in the world of New Orleans’ brothel scene. It’s unnerving to think that—in the United States, of all places—there would be human trafficking organizations operating in broad daylight. But, yes, that was actually the case.

What makes Lilah’s Limit fascinating, though, is not the evil setting of the tale. What makes it truly shine in the amazing characters blossoming within said setting—the good, the bad, and the morally ambiguous.

And, if I had to describe Suzanne Smith’s characters –all of them—with simple phrases, it would be these: ‘morally ambiguous’ and also ‘scarred.’  It is very, very difficult to separate her characters from the wickedness that molded them. Some rise above their pasts, and some wallow in them. One of the most vile characters I’ve ever read is the calculating, diabolical Madame Cheney—a sociopath who traffics in the flesh of women less fortunate than herself. Her introduction is positively chilling: (Renault) looked at her incredulously. It was obvious she had no qualms about her immoral role as a flesh peddler. She talked about her girls as if they were unfeeling, mindless horses she was trying to sell rather than sentient human beings. While her dehumanizing and solicitous manner irritated him it also made him a little envious. How he wished he could be like her and shove his conscience aside. Take pleasure in his sinful behavior without feeling an ounce of guilt.

Renault, the leading man, is fascinating character. It was no small task, turning a common whoremonger into a romance hero. He’s the perfect counterbalance to the incredibly damaged Lilah, a woman of birth and breeding forced into a life of prostitution.

The book also raises this question: is murder always a crime? Should the law always remain immutable, unbreakable … or are some people just so evil that the law only serves to aid and abet their heinous deeds? The French Revolutionaries once said that ‘the more wrong that has been done, the more blood it takes to set it right.’

Is that true? It was unlawful for the Revolutionaries to behead Marie Antoinette, but given her sins against her people, History doesn’t seem to judge the Revolutionaries all that harshly. Perhaps sometimes—just sometimes—Civil Law is an impediment to the exercise of the simple Law of Good and Evil.

I will say that this book has a happy ending. I kinda feel like I have to say that, because everything I’ve written thus far is pretty dark. But, mind you, I won’t tell you how the story arrives at said happy ending. That’s the fun part, so I’ll just say that it does.

That having been said, I must also add that this book isn’t for everyone; Suzanne’s books generally aren’t. I’d rather be honest about what’s in a book than have the wrong reader find it, and then pan it. Suzanne is too talented to suffer such embarrassment. So I will point out that this story brutally portrays the realities of human trafficking, from the cold-blooded selling of virginity to outright pedophilia, although this is all written as tastefully as possible given the subject matter.

But, nevertheless, it’s the setting that makes the dark hero and heroine truly memorable. Our scars often define who we are, but sometimes we find the strength to rise above them. That is the overarching point of this tale: that oftentimes incredibly flawed people will surprise you. Not always, but often.

This truly is a five-star read, and I give it my hearty endorsement! https://www.amazon.com/Lilahs-Limit-Suzanne-Smith/dp/B0D1JKGNZM

Enjoy! – V

Welcome to ‘Bounce … Into the Unknown’!!!

I have long been a fan of S.K. White’s lush, vivid scifi and romance! (To read more about her, click here: https://virginiawallace.com/2021/12/08/all-gone-by-s-k-white-a-review-and-author-interview/ )

I had the honor of being able to read Bounce … Into the Unknown before it was released, and wow … just fuckin’ WOW, y’all! Check it out!

BLURB

What if you found yourself in a different reality… same face, but different you? Whitney Ann Rhodes bounces into the alternate realities of Whit and Annie. Can she navigate Whit’s complicated and volatile life or survive Annie’s dystopian world living under the rule of a global authoritarian leader and his military regime? Will she resist or comply? Afterward, can Whitney return to her world and face what lies ahead?

MY REVIEW

There are very few authors who do science fiction as well as S.K. White …

I’ve been a fan ever since the epic All Gone, and Bounce does NOT disappoint! It’s interesting that the world-building and technical jargon almost seem incidental. The real meat of the story—the thought-provoking part—is the emotional entanglements and conflicts that plague Whit/Whitney’s constant shifts between alternate realities.

It really does beg the question: What makes a person? Is it nature, nurture, or both? Whitney is a nice young woman from a good family. She treats people with gentleness and respect. Her doppelganger Whit, however, is the product of an alcoholic home and constant sexual abuse. While Whitney is gentle and kind, Whit is more or less a sociopath.

The setting begins on a more or less normal note, but as Whitney’s alternate lives begin to come unraveled, so does the world around her as she ‘bounces’ between societies upended by civil unrest and totalitarian governments.

Bounce is a masterfully told tale that is one part sci-fi, one part melodrama … and all heart. Five stars!

So, yep, that ’bout says it all! Click here to buy: https://www.amazon.com/Bounce-Trilogy-Book-I-ebook/dp/B0CX3VB4FQ

Cheers! – V